Hard Workin' Woman

Today is my last day of work at both of my jobs.

It's going by so slowly I can barely stand it!

New adventures on the way. :)

Three Good Things:

• Mini-vacay with sorors tomorrow.
• Potluck after work today.
• COOLER WEATHER!
  

"I'm wishin' on a star..."

Ah, the sweet sounds of Teena Marie. While she was crooning about the man of her dreams, I'm thinking about more tangible things...like stuff. you know, "real" stuff. Stuff I'm planning on buying once I finally start making real money.

Working two jobs and still struggling to make ends meet hasn't been fun. Not only have I been perpetually exhausted and stressed, but I also can't afford to buy and do the things I want to. This may seem superficial, but I like stuff as much as any other red-blooded American--especially shoes. So I've been working on a "wish list" of things I'd like to get once I start my new job. Wanna hear it? Here it goes!

Things

• Iphone (Already ordered and should be here in a few weeks!)
• Two HD tvs (The tv I have now is super big and old; I'd love to have a new one to replace it, plus one for my bedroom.)
• Christian Louboutin pumps (These cost around $1,500. This is definitely more of a dream than a reality, but I'm being honest here.)
• Coach bag (I saw an AMAZING one at the Coach store when I went apartment hunting a few weeks ago. It WILL be mine.)
• New clothes (What can I say? I'm a girl.)
  

Services

• DirecTV (After over a year without cable, I want every single channel imaginable.)
• Get my nails/toes done every two weeks (A salon in Madison has a manicure that is supposed to last two whole weeks. I never get to pamper myself, so I'm going to now.)
• Take a yoga/pilates class once a week (I want to be more health conscious and exercise more, and I'll actually have the time to do it.)

This may seem silly, but it's fun to talk about the things you'd do if you had the money. But before I start spending too much money on things I want, I plan on taking care of the things I need: paying down my credit card debt, getting the dental work I need, and paying off the loans I got to subsidize the move and previous dental procedures. I'm going to save more, too. I can't wait until some of these wishes actually come true!

Three Good Things:

• My birthday (and the move) is fast approaching.
• I'm slowly but surely getting things packed in my apartment.
  
• The weather is finally cooling down!
  

Love at First Sight

I've never been much of a believer in love at first sight, mostly because I look crappy most days and don't think anyone could fall in love with me sans makeup, heels, or any inkling of caring about the way I look. But I've become a victim. I fell in love the first time I saw...

...my new apartment. :) I had five apartment viewings scheduled last weekend, but only made it to three--I canceled the others because I knew the first apartment was the one I wanted! I've been approved and am just waiting for my leasing agent to fax me the lease. My mom and I worked out a few final details yesterday, so all I'm doing now is waiting. I'm really doing this. I can't believe this move is really happening.

On a completely unrelated tangent, I'm now wondering if I ever want to have children. Perhaps it's the fact that someone I know just had a horrible birthing experience or the episodes of Teen Mom I've recently become obsessed with, but I just don't know if kids are something I want in my life. I'm sure I'll change my mind once God brings me the man I'm supposed to marry, but at soon-to-be-23 I can't imagine being a mother. I mean, I can barely take care of myself. There's no WAY I'd be able to care for someone else.

Ah, the misguided ramblings of a twenty-something female. :) Later, y'all; I've got some work to do.

Three Good Things:

• We're having a mini-potluck for one of my co-workers today. FREE FOOD.
• I ordered an iPhone and it should be here in 3-4 weeks.
• I have the cutest dog in the world.
  

First impressions...

Well, the plan is underway. This weekend I'm flying to Madison to look at apartments, and I can't wait! In the process of moving, I'm also helping to find a replacement for me at my full-time job. Since I'm the first person people see when they come in, naturally I'm going to see the applicants first.

OH MY GOSH. These people are a hot mess. I try not to judge people, but first impressions are VERY important--especially when you're trying to get a job. Don't just come in to someone's business wearing whatever and ask for an application. I'm not saying you have to be in a full suit with pumps and pearls, but at least don't look sloppy.

Also, try not to reek of smoke. I understand that people smoke--it's their choice. But I don't want to have to hold my breath and febreeze the office after you leave. It just doesn't look good. We also don't want to hire someone who will be outside every hour taking a smoke break.

Finally, act like you know what you're talking about. If you say something like, "Uh, I heard that...y'all were, uh, looking for a job?" I'm going to look at you like you don't know what you're talking about BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. Be polite, smile, and act like you at least read the ad and aren't just applying for every job listed. If the ad said we were looking for a friendly, professional person, ACT THAT WAY.

Even if you're just filling out the application, that's a big part of the hiring process. Always put your best foot forward, as first impressions stick with you...and sometimes keep you from getting an interview.

Three Good Things:

• Packing is coming along a bit better.
• My friend Mario will be back in town soon.
  
• Flying to Madison this weekend! I can't wait!
  

Time to Try

I made the decision today that I'm going to try harder. Not at any particular thing, but in life in general. I feel like I always work hard for the things I think are important: work, school, and stuff like that. But I don't really try on the small things in life, things that I've always wanted to happen for me that just don't seem to work.

For instance, I'll decide I'm going to make my bed every morning. I'll do it for a week or two...and then nothing. Or putting on makeup. Or exercising a few times a week. Or wearing outfits that are a bit more stylish. I convince myself that things are trivial and no one really cares if I do them or not. I tell myself that no one sees my room but me, and no one really cares what I look like or wear...but I do. I care about those things, and I'm going to try to do better at them.

I can't help the way I am about some things. I put the needs of others before my own all the time, but still they think I'm condescending or mean. I speak my mind, and sometimes that can come off as harsh, but I can't really change that. Instead, I'm going to focus on the things I can change--not for anyone else, but for myself.

Three Good Things:

• Finished two great library books.
• Slowly gathering boxes for packing my things.
• Had a great weekend with my family.
  

Takin' Care of Business

Remember when I told you I had a billion things to do in preparation for my move to Wisconsin? Well...most of them are done. I got super productive (or super paranoid, your choice) and spent the first part of the week making plans and doing research for the relocation. I've hired movers in BG and Madison, reserved a Uhaul, and set up a weekend trip to fly up and look at apartments. Hopefully I'll find one then, and I'll be all set!

Granted there are a few loose ends left to tie up; I still don't know if I'll have to pay the $2,000 to break my lease, and I need to find a good hair salon and pet sitter in Madison. But those are things I can easily take care of when I get up there for good. I also need to get a heavy coat and some boots for the winter that will be there (from what I've heard) before I know it.

I was really scared about making this move, but now I'm not. Fear is a tool the devil uses to keep us from receiving the blessings God wants us to have. God wouldn't have given me this wonderful opportunity if He didn't intend on watching over me through the process.

I'll keep you posted as things happen, and I'll definitely let you know what happens on my apartment-hunting trip in August. I'm so excited--things are really looking up!

Three Good Things:

• I'm finally caught up on of the donor letters I've been needing to print.
  
• Leftover potstickers for lunch today.
• I've got the ENTIRE WEEKEND OFF, and I'm spending it with my favorite people--my family!
  

The Beer and Cheese State?

So it's settled...I'm moving to Wisconsin! I got the job I was praying for and I've never been happier. God came through for me in so many ways: a wonderful new job opportunity, a fantastic future salary, and a family who will support me through it all. My mom is really excited about my new job; I'm going to miss being just an hour away, but I know that this move will be the best thing for me.

But with the excitement came a lot of nervousness and worrying. It will cost about $2,000 to break my lease on my apartment. I've got to pay for all of my moving costs (but my new company will reimburse me on my first paycheck). All in all, I need about $3,500 up front to pay for the move. Luckily, I got a personal loan for that amount yesterday, so I'm breathing a bit easier about that. However, I've still got to put in notice at my jobs, pack all of my things, get a Uhaul, and find an apartment once I get to Wisconsin. A lot to do, but I'm sure everything will work out great.

My last day in Kentucky will be September 20th, right after my birthday. I'm working six days a week at my part-time to make money, and I'm writing articles to earn some extra cash too. I'll keep you all posted on my progress--I'm so excited!

Three Good Things:

• I get my personal loan on Monday or Tuesday.
• My new job has FREE health insurance, and the dental insurance is cheap, so I can finally get my dental work done!
• I don't have to be at my part-time job until 2 today, which gives me some times to finish a few chores and relax.
  

Tired of Chasing

I just got really fed up with chasing. I feel like I always go out of my way to make the people I'm interested in feel special, and I haven't gotten anything back. I want someone to chase me for once...

Three Good Things

• Made a little extra cash writing articles.
• Took a great nap today.
  
• Job interview in Wisconsin on Wednesday--wish me luck!
  

"I'll be better than I am..."

So many things have happened in the month (gosh, I feel horrible typing that) since I've last updated. I know I said I would update more frequently, I felt bad about not posting more, blah blah blah. I'm not going to say all that stuff again because you probably wouldn't believe me--heck, I wouldn't even believe me. So I'm just going to post when I remember to. I can't make myself into someone I'm not.

First, I am still happily single. I've gone on a date since Dylan and I ended things, and it was fun; it was nice to meet a guy who's on my level--job, degree, God fearing, motivated. We went to dinner and for ice cream and...he kissed me. It was really nice. :) I felt myself getting too caught up in it; I wanted us to be boyfriend/girlfriend RIGHT AWAY. But then I shook myself back and saw that I was doing the same thing I always do: trying to find satisfaction in someone else instead of being happy with myself. So things are good. We're going to see Eclipse tonight with some of his friends, and I'm not gonna get my hopes up about it. Hopefully it will just be a good time for everyone.

Second, I will be going to Wisconsin sometime soon for a final interview for a job there. I'm really excited, but nervous at the same time--Kentucky is the only place I've ever lived. My family, my friends, everything I love is here. I don't know if I could just leave it. But I also know that, if I stay, I'll be selling myself short. I gave everything over to God and told him that whatever he wanted me to do, I would do. If He wants me in Wisconsin, that's where I'll be! So I'll go to the interview and give it my best. If things go well, I could be updating from a new home in a new state!

Third, I'm finally starting to save some money. It's not much, but it's a start. I feel much better about my financial situation now, but I know I have a looooonnnng way to go to get where I want to be. I'll be out of debt in about 3 years, hopefully sooner if I get a better job that pays more. The only thing I'm really concerned about is the possibility that I'll be moving to Wisconsin; it will cost about $2,000 to break the lease on my apartment, and I do NOT have that money right now. But I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Overall, things are going much better in the money department.

That's about all I have for now. I'm feeling really good about everything that's happening; I haven't felt this peaceful in a long time. Life is good. :)

Three Good Things:

• Off tonight and tomorrow at my second job.
• Family cookout on Saturday.
• Sleeping in on Monday--Happy Fourth of July!
  

"If that's love, it comes at much too high a cost."

Well, my boyfriend and I broke up yesterday. Things have been a bit rocky for some time, and I guess it was just time for us to end things and move on. I was all for talking it out and seeing if we could make it work, but not everyone is willing to put for the effort to try and salvage something...even a relationship.

Deep down, I knew that things weren't working out--they weren't going the way I wanted them to. Too many times I got upset over the constant favors I'd be asked for, the canceled plans, the phone calls and text messages that never came. But I think that I was hoping things would change, that the bond between us would overrule all the bad things that were popping up in our relationship. But I've been with enough guys to know that they never change. I'm usually the one doing all the changing, and I'm sick of that. I'm not going to compromise who I am or what I believe in for a man anymore.

Overall I've been pretty upset about the breakup, but after a long sob-fest and a somewhat sleepless night, I actually feel a little better (thanks to some great friends, coworkers, and family). My mom is convinced that I'll meet someone else someday, someone more professional and on the same level I am, but I'm not so sure. I'm so tired of trying, of meeting someone new and starting the whole silly dating process over again. It's exhausting and usually ends up in hurt feelings. But who knows? Maybe she's right. As I've grown up I've learned that she's been right about a lot of things. :)

What is a friend, anyway?

Random topic: friendship.

I've noticed lately that most of my so-called friendships are practically non-existent until someone needs something from me. Unless he or she is asking for a ride, a place to stay, or to borrow some money, I won't hear from him or her. I've always been a giving person; I'm the one who will go out of my way to make sure the people I care about are well taken care of. Heck, I just dropped all of my plans last Saturday (my first Saturday off in a loooooong time) to take a stranded former teammate to the airport--the same former teammate that used me and lied to me a few months back. I do what I can to make people happy.

But I can't blame everything on everyone else. I've got a lot going on that makes me hard to hang out with; I work two jobs, I hang out with my boyfriend occasionally, and I'm just really tired a lot. I don't mind being by myself; sometimes I choose hanging out at home instead of going to the bar or wherever people are socializing. I know I should go out and start hanging out with people, but I'm not sure how to go about it. This is so embarrassing--I don't know how to make friends anymore. I'm not quite sure where to start.

I've been thinking about moving away, going someplace new and starting over. I can't really afford to do that right now, but if I can find a job willing to cover relocation expenses I'll take it. I've already applied for one and am looking for others. I don't really want to leave, but it might be the best thing for me right now. Who knows?

(Oh, and the website that I usually use to post songs with my blogs is shutting down. Sad day.)

Three Good Things:

• I get paid this week.
• Daria finally came in.
• It finally stopped raining.
  

Drowning

I wish someone would come and take me away from this. I just want to live outside of myself for awhile, get away from the problems that just keep creeping up on me.

I got news today that I need over $3,000 worth of dental work. I don't know what I'm going to do.

That seems to be the story of my life these days.

Three Good Things:

• I'm awake.
• I'm not in pain.
• I still have my job.
  

"Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere..."

I've spent the better part of today updating my Monster.com profile. There are going to be some personnel cuts at my job and I'm just trying to get ready.

Whew. It just seems like one thing after another these days. It kind of reminds me of a few months ago, when I would think about my credit card debt and literally feel like I was drowning in it; my head would spin, my heart would race, and I just couldn't seem to take another breath.

But everything will be okay; I know it will. Even if I do get downsized, I'll make it through just fine. I'm going to have to leave this one up to God. Sorry things have been so depressing here lately, but what can I say? I'm going through a rough time. Hopefully things will look up soon.

Brick (Album Version) - Ben Fo...

Three Good Things:

• The sun is shining after a morning of rain.
• Daria comes out in about two weeks.
• I'm still breathing.
  

"I get away only in my mind..."

I'm sitting at my desk at work, fighting back tears. I've never tried so hard to get my life together. I'm really working to make myself a better person. But it seems like every time I do something right, another piece of my life slides out of place. I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

I enrolled myself in a debt management program; I went a little crazy with a couple of credit cards and decided to get help with my debt. I've been paying on time every month since February. And still, I'm getting bills from creditors asking for late fees. One of my medical bills has gone to collection. People keep asking for money, and it's getting to the point that I don't know where it's going to come from anymore.

More and more I find myself wishing that I wasn't who I am. I want to be someone else, someone who doesn't have to struggle every single day to stay above water. I guess it's good in a way; I'm being motivated to do better with the hopes that I won't have to work so hard all the time, that I'll find one job--instead of three or four--that will pay my bills. I'm trying to channel all the negative energy into positive thoughts, but some days--like today--are so much harder than others.

Through the grace of God, I just got paid for one of my writing jobs; I got the bulk of the money yesterday, and the rest is coming today. Tomorrow I'll deposit the cash. Friday, I'll write two checks and hand the money I worked so hard for to someone else. Every night, I'll pray that someday soon I won't have to worry so much.

I Sit Away - Boyz II Men

Three Good Things:

• I woke up this morning.
• The woman at the medical office was kind to me; she let me split my balance into two payments so it would be easier to pay.
• I still have a roof over my head and food in my cabinets.
  

Sweet Escape

I have to many jobs to blog. But now it's vacation time and I'm gonna relax, damn it!

I'm leaving to judge NFA tomorrow--I'm the most excited to see everyone! I've planned two outfits for every day: dressy and casual. I also got a weave. I'm not kidding. Looking fly at this tournament is serious.

I'm going to miss my boyfriend, but I'm glad to get away for a while. I work really hard and I'm finally getting some time to enjoy myself. :)

I'll post pics and stories throughout the trip when I'm not too busy being sassy and fabulous. :)

Rude Boy - Rihanna

Three Good Things:

• Vacation TOMORROW!
• I just made the last payment on my furniture.
• Backrubs from my boyfriend.
  

I didn't get the job.

That's life, I guess. I'm sure there something even better out there for me.

Lucky Day

Happy St. Patrick's Day! I wore green accidentally today--lucky me! I would've hated to get fired for punching a co-worker who dared to pinch me.

Life is pretty good right now. Still haven't gotten word about the job, but I'm not giving up hope. Just in case it doesn't work out, I've got an interview for a part-time job at the mall to help supplement my income a bit (I'm tired of cleaning up after people, so I've decided to stop working at the arena). Keep your fingers crossed for me though.

My boyfriend is lovely. He's the best part of my life right now and I'm so blessed to have him. We've had a few rough patches, but things are working out well so far. Who knows where this will lead? All I know is I'm enjoying the journey right now. :)

I just wanted to give you a quick update--I promise I'll write more when I've got more to write about. :) Enjoy your St. Paddy's Day and watch out for leprechauns!

Three Good Things:

• Delicious red grapes for breakfast.
  
• Yummy chicken salad sandwich for lunch.
• Peanut butter cookie (bought for me by my oh-so-sweet boyfriend) for dessert. He's the best!
  

Barely Breathing

I'm feeling a bit discouraged today. I ended up owing $300 to the government for taxes, so my paycheck is gone already. It just seems like, no matter how hard I work, I just can't keep my head above water. I'm trying really hard to stay positive though. I want to save some money and go on a vacation somewhere, but that doesn't seem likely if I keep having to hand over all my money to someone else. I know God has a plan for me though.

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's might hand, that He may lift you up in due time."
1 Peter 5:6

Three Good Things:

• The weather is lovely.
• I'm taking the night off from my part-time job tonight--I just need a break.
• I should have a pretty nice check from working every night last week.
  

Another day...

It's Monday, peeps. Day 1 of another six-day-straight work week. You probably won't be hearing from me for a while. :)

Here It Goes Again (UK Surf) -...

Three Good Things:

• The weather is absolutely PERFECT.
• I'm making extra $$ for being team leader at my job tonight.
• I saw Alice in Wonderland yesterday with Mario and Des.
  

What's Going On

I'm writing this post from underneath a hooded hair dryer in the comfort of my bedroom. For all the black girls out there, this is no surprise. Most women of color I know have all the hairdressing accoutrements to start their own beauty shops. Hair is a big deal to us. But I digress. It's time for the update I promised y'all.

I still don't know anything about the job I'm up for, but I should know by next week. I called yesterday and was told that they are waiting for paperwork to come back from their regional office and that they'd let us know just as soon as they knew something. I'm relieved, but nervous at the same time. I really, really want this job...but I'll just have to wait and see. I'll let you know as soon as I hear something.

I've been working my part-time job every night this week, so I've been lacking a bit in the sleep department. I can't wait to quit; the extra money is enough to make me stay, but I would love not to have to clean up after fully capable adults every night of my life. It makes me not even want to clean up my own house. I think everyone should have to do this job at some point in his or her life (just like I think people should have to work in a daycare--preferably a ghetto daycare--before they have kids). I've got a newfound respect for people who clean, and I'm the first person to grab my trash and toss it so someone else doesn't have to now.

My boyfriend is excellent. We...mesh well. He's weird, and so am I, and that works for us. There hasn't been a day that I haven't seen him since we started dating. This part of my life is good. :) I've got two friends staying with me while their dorms are closed for spring break, and I'm looking forward to having some company in the house--especially these two. They're wild! I've got a slight medical issue (there's something wrong with my leg), but hopefully I'll be able to get it looked at sometime next week. It's kind of hard to explain, so I'll just let you know what's up when I find out what the hell it is.

Everything else is going well so far; I can't complain at all. I wish I had more to tell you, but there isn't too much going on right now. The weather is beautiful, so after my hair is finished I'm heading out to enjoy it before I have to work tonight. Have a great weekend!

Three Good Things:

• I've got a day off from both jobs tomorrow, so the boyfriend and I are going to spend the whole day together.
• I went an entire week without breaking a single nail (a vast improvement, as I had to have seven repaired last week).
• My hair is almost dry!
  

Tired is an understatement at this point.

I'm currently on Day 3 of working a week straight at my part-time job. I'm having problems keeping my eyes open, hence the lack of updates. At the end of the week, I'll hopefully be awake enough to write something awesome for y'all. Until then...*yawn*

Three Good Things:

• My boyfriend is awesome.
• I'm gonna get a nice check from all these sleepless, work-filled nights.
• Fruit Roll-Ups.
  

What's Going On

I'm back! Finally, I've got some time to tell you what's been going on as of late. It feels like I've been going 100 mph since Saturday, so it's nice to be able to relax and recount all the recent happenings in my life.

I finished the final part of my application to the SSA, and I should hear something back from them by March 5. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I get this job; I love the work I'm doing now, but I'm just not making enough money doing it. If I get this new job, I'll be able to quit my part-time job and not have to spend 2-3 nights a week cleaning up other people's garbage.

Speaking of my part-time job, I had one of the worst nights ever there on Saturday night. There was a high school cheerleading competition, and we were there from 6 p.m. until 3:30 a.m. cleaning up. I found two dirty diapers while I was cleaning--disgusting! Actually, that's not just disgusting, but bad parenting--who changes their child's diaper in front of God and everybody at some cheerleading competition?!? That's wrong on a whole lot of levels. But we eventually got the place cleaned up, so I guess that's good.

My job held it's annual Chocolate Festival on Sunday, which was great. I was a bit sleep-deprived (see the above paragraph for further explanation) but I practically ate my weight in chocolate and that totally made up for the lack of sleep. There were cakes, desserts, ice creams, and my favorite--chocolate fondue. We also made a lot of money for our organization, which was fantastic. I wish we could have a chocolate festival every week! :)

Also, I have a boyfriend now. I'm choosing to keep most of the information about this part of my life private from now on, but know that I'm really happy. He's very chill; I don't feel like I have to censor or edit any part of myself when I'm around him. He accepts me, flaws and all, and that's something that I've never had before. I'm looking forward to seeing what happens with this.

I will be judging NFA Nationals for my alma mater (I love saying that, lol) in April. I'm excited about seeing all of my former competitors and all of the great material that made it to nats. I'm going to start saving money to buy some nationals outfits--I can't look trashy in front of all those people who are used to seeing me in suits all the time. :) It should be a good time, and Corn will be there, so at least I'll have someone to act a fool with whenever we're not judging.

And that's about it so far. I'll make sure to keep y'all posted on the job and all the other happenings in my life. I love having this place to say what I feel when I need too; it's awesome. Thanks for listening. :)

At Your Best You Are Love - Aa...

Three Good Things:

• I made $75 yesterday.
• I'm going to start working out or walking or something--I've been lazy for too long.
• So far I've avoided the bug that's been going around the office (knock on wood).
  

Loose Ends

I've finally taken care of something that I've needed to do for the past week. I can't help but wonder if I made the right decision, but making mistakes is a part of life. Here's to starting fresh, MY way.

Superwoman - Alicia Keys

Three Good Things:

• Nail appointment today.
• Chocolate Festival tomorrow.
• I should know something about the job soon.
  

Changes

It's time for me to make some decisions. I've said it before (and hopefully I won't have to say it again)--I'm tired of living my life on other people's terms. I want to do things my way. It's not that I'm selfish and I want everything done how I want it all the time. I'm just not going to give so much of myself in order to please others. No relationship is 50/50; sometimes you take more, sometimes you give more. But I've noticed that, more often than not, I'm the one giving more. So I'm starting to make some changes. And if I make mistakes, then I'm going to own up to them. God is the one who's ultimately in control, and now I'm going to make decisions based on what He tells me to do, not what other people want me to do.

Three Good Things:

• Chocolate Festival (a fundraiser for my job) this weekend.
• Hey Arnold should be here tomorrow.
  
• I met someone who's willing to do things my way.
  

John 13:34

"To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others."

-Anne-Sophie Swetchine

I haven't found my true love yet, but I know he's out there somewhere. God will bring him to me when I'm ready. Hopefully we will be able to create something beautiful from that love, something to show the world the realness of God's blessings.

This is my favorite song, and it will be the song my husband and I have our first dance to at our wedding (if I have my way, which I often do lol). Enjoy today, and spread love to someone who needs it. Happy Valentine's Day.

Can You Stand The Rain - Boyz ...

Three Good Things:

• I ordered seasons 3, 4, and 5 of Hey Arnold--they should be here by Tuesday.
• I got a cute Valentine's text from my mom this morning.
• Valentine candy is half-off tomorrow!
  

The best kind of strange. :)

Hello all. It's been almost a week since my last post, and all I can say is that baby girl has been BUSY. Work, more work, and trying (unsuccessfully) to catch up on all the sleep I've missed from work and more work has kept me more than occupied. But here's an update on La Vida de Ashley--finally.

My interview on Monday went well. I met with a panel of four people and they asked me questions about my work skills, life plans, the usual. They also let me know about how the job works and what would be expected of me. Apparently it's a job with lots of pressure--from clients as well as coworkers and employers. I feel like I can handle that. Hell, for a salary increase of over $10,000 I can handle just about anything. I'm still waiting to hear back from them; they told me it would be at least a week before they made a decision. I'm getting my reference forms out now. All prayers about this would be greatly appreciated. :)

I've been hanging out with my friend Chad a lot, which has been very fun. Yesterday we made lunch and goofed off at my best friend Katie's--I had a snow day from work and it was awesome to be able to chill with friends and just relax for a day. He's taking me to Nashville tomorrow--I'm his "valentine," lol--to a vaudeville show and dinner. I've never seen anything like vaudeville before, so I'm pretty pumped. He's really cool, so I know we'll have fun. Hopefully I'll remember to take my camera (and my batteries won't die) so I'll be able to post pictures.

There's more I want to say, but I'm choosing to keep my thoughts to myself for now. Just know that I'm the happiest I've been in quite some time. I'm the ultimate worrier, so I can't help but think that things won't go my way on this one. But I'm trying really hard to just relax and think positively.

Live Like We're Dying - Kris A...

Three Good Things:

• Snow day--and excellent lunch--with great friends yesterday.
• Vaudeville adventure in Nashville tomorrow.
• Spending quality time with a beautiful soul who is "the best kind of strange" tonight. :)
  

Eclipse

"It's so hard to describe. It's not like love at first sight, really. It's more like...gravity moves. When you see her, suddenly it's not the earth holding you here anymore. She does. And nothing matters more than her. And you would do anything for her, be anything for her...You become whatever she needs you to be, whether that's a protector, or a lover, or a friend, or a brother.

...He'll be her perfect match. Like he was designed for her alone."

[From Eclipse, by Stephenie Meyer]

And not only that, but the character who spoke these words was a 6'4", brown-skinned, ridiculously muscled, heartbreakingly handsome werewolf--one of the sexiest men I've ever seen. You see where my unrealistic expectations of love are coming from? Why do I torture myself by reading this stuff??? Ugh!

...Because it's beautiful, that's why. And I say that as grudgingly as possible. But it's just a story after all. I'm not foolish enough to believe in fairy tales anymore.

Ain't No Other Man - Christina...

Three Good Things:

• I might be filing my taxes online (for free) this afternoon
• Slow day at work.
  
• This damn book.
  

Listen

I am who I am. I worry too much, I try too hard, and I forget everything. I don't do it on purpose, and to hurt anyone is not my aim. I'm doing the best that I can.

A Place in this World - Taylor...

Three Good Things:

• I had an excellent time with a friend last night.
• One of my co-workers brought me a Valentine's cookie this morning.
• I'm going to file my taxes for free this year (either online or with a free tax prep program at a bank in town.)
  

"I'm not always there when you call..."

I've had a problem with trusting God in the past. I'm a person who worries a lot, and I would get so caught up in worrying about everything that could or would go wrong in my life that I didn't just leave it up to God to handle. I was putting my faith in the world and not in the Lord.

I've since been working on giving everything to God to handle. He, after all, is the one who can heal all wounds and solve all problems--all we have to do is ask. I also have issues asking people for things; I always want to do everything myself and never want to depend on anyone. But it finally clicked to me today that God wants to hear from us. He wants us to tell him things that we can't tell anyone else, to ask for things we wouldn't dream of asking anyone else for. The fact that we can bear our souls in prayer proves our faithfulness to Him. He already knows what's in our hearts, and just wants us to be able to confide in Him with our own mouths.

Sometimes God brings blessings to show us that he hasn't forgotten about us. At times when we pray, God doesn't say "no," but instead says "not right now." I've found that blessings like these come when my faith is dwindling. For example, I was stressed about my finances, worrying about how I was going to make ends meet. I was questioning God and wondering why He was letting things go downhill when my life had been going so well. But then I got an email about a job I interviewed for a year ago (which you already know). I have a follow-up interview on Monday, and I'm praying that things go well. This was something that reminded me that God was still on my side, and that struggles are His way of reminding us to keep our faith in Him.

Count It All Joy - Bebe And Ce...

Three Good Things:

• I'm one step closer to getting in control of my debt.
  
• I'm starting a special craft project tonight. :)
  
• Job interview Monday morning!
  

"This ain't a fairytale..."

I just finished re-reading Twilight last night. I know, I'm a nerd. But I'm a cute nerd, so back off. Anyway, the story of Edward and Bella is breathtakingly beautiful. The fact that they fight to be together despite his...situation is really sweet to me. Even though I know it's all made up and would probably never happen in real life, it's nice to make believe sometimes.

I've always wanted some handsome prince to swoop in and take me away--true love, riding off into the sunset. Of course, I quickly outgrew that fantasy when my string of relationships ended more like nightmares than dreams. I'm still holding out hope that the man God made for me is out there somewhere. I'm probably just not ready for him yet. Someday, though, it will happen. And though it won't be perfect--no relationship is perfect--it will be something brought together by God. And that's all I need it to be.

I was thinking about where the inspiration for this post came from, and I just realized I'm writing this because I want to be kissed. That's it. No one has kissed me in quite some time. I'm flushing with embarrassment just writing this, but if I can't say what I want here, where can I? I want a man to kiss me...and mean it. Not because I asked him to, not because he thinks he's gonna get laid if he does, but because he wants to show me how he feels about me. I doubt it's going to happen any time in the near future, but I'm cool with that. A girl can imagine. :)

White Horse - Taylor Swift

Three Good Things:

• I finally cleaned up my kitchen last night! (Tonight I'm tackling the living room and bathroom.)
• I had my first Gigi's cupcake yesterday--I now know where most of my paychecks will be spent.
• I'm canceling my credit cards this week...my first step toward getting out of debt. :)
  

So, when did facebook get so accurate?

I finally broke down and added an application to my facebook profile--the daily horoscope one. I've never been super into horoscopes, but I thought I'd give it a try. This is my horoscope for today:

Today something you have worked hard for, or have been hoping to receive, may be realized or come to you, Virgo. Many of the astrological patterns of the day point to hidden things coming to the surface, or the discovery of something that was thought to be lost. This is all about your faith in your efforts, past, present and future. Avoid get-rich quick schemes; they may interfere with your process of attraction and manifestation. This is not a "your greatest treasure is love" omen either; it's about the tangible rewards of persistence and hope.

After reading this, I checked my email. I got an email about a job I interviewed for last year. This is a government job, with full benefits and a paycheck that's much larger than the one I'm currently receiving. It's not perfect, but it would be an improvement. This is my horoscope from yesterday:

You might be looking at friends through "rose-colored glasses" right now, Virgo, but that's all about to change. Today's all-day opportunity period is pushing you in a seriously analytical mood about others for a reason. Someone may be pressing you for some kind of agreement that may not be beneficial to you, but because of having an attitude of expecting things to fall into place, you may not recognize that a good contract does not mean a good deal. Look at others through the eye of truth today: relationships may change a bit, but for the better.

Today, a friend that I haven't talked to since high school sent me a message. We got to talking, and he seemed interested in me. I told him I was very selective and that I wasn't sure I was really what he was looking for, but he persisted. After quite a bit of witty banter, I learned that he just wanted a BG hookup (which, as my celibacy vow indicates, I am not down for). Once he found out the muffin shop was closed, he made a hasty exit.

Weird, huh? I'm not taking these things too seriously, but I just thought how funny how accurate they were. I'm not going to go nuts and start adding all kinds of applications, though. Facebook isn't that good.

Three Good Things:

• I'm currently planning my five-year high school reunion for this summer.
• I got a full night's sleep last night (even though I had to call into work).
• The snow is finally here!
  

Ordinary Day

I woke up this morning with a headache, so the morning started off a bit roughly. After eating lunch and taking an aspirin--and also treating myself to a double-scoop of Andes Candies frozen custard at Culver's--I was feeling much better. Now I'm sitting at work, counting down the minutes until I leave here to go home and pretend to sleep for a few hours before my part-time job. Same old, same old.

I've been trying to relax and clear my head, but something keeps bothering me. I'm not going to talk about it here just yet because I'm still trying to work things out in my head. I'll let you know when I get things figured out though. One think I can say is that I'm clearly not very good at interacting with men. I don't get them, and I'm pretty sure they don't get me either. Oh well. More later.

Ordinary Day - Vanessa Carlton

Three Good Things:

• Andes Candies frozen custard at Culver's.
• I talked to my mommy this morning.
• I've got peanut butter Oreos waiting for me at home.
  

(I think I'm stress-eating; I keep mentioning food.)

Up

For those who heard about the potential Angry Ashley blow up that occurred yesterday, I'm happy to report that I'm feeling much better today. Definitely not at top form, but overall much happier. Things are looking up.

I've been struggling just a bit in the financial department, but that's nothing new. I'm also having trouble sleeping again; my mom recommended that I get some sleeping pills, but stuff like that scares me. I'm always afraid that I'm not going to wake up, and working for a hospice center makes fears like those much more real. I have to work my part-time job tonight (tomorrow, Saturday, and Sunday too), so maybe that will help me knock out a little bit easier. If worst comes to worst, I'll break down and buy some Tylenol PM. Desperate times...

Also, I'm planning on taking my first GRE practice test this week, and I'm nervous as hell. I don't feel like I've studied nearly enough. I guess I'll find out where I stand when I actually take the test. Cross your fingers and say a prayer for me, please.

SS is...SS. We're friends, and I'm cool with that. And that's all I really have to say about that. Though I'm torn as to whether to send him something for Valentine's Day or not. I know it's early, but I went to Wal-Mart the other day and was bombarded with all kinds of V-Day items on display, so it's kind of fresh on my mind.

I'm not expecting to get anything--I don't expect anything from anyone on Valentine's Day, though my mom is good about buying me chocolates and other fattening things--but I'm not sure if I should send him something or not. I mean, I want to because I like him, but I'm concerned that sending a gift (albeit a small one) would breach the "friend" status. I'll think it over and let you know what I decide.

I'm about to take a lunch break now, then get back behind my desk and watch the clock count down to 4:30. Dinner and a nap at home, then work. I finally feel like I'm back in the swing of things.

I Can Transform Ya (featuring ...

Three Good Things:

• The sun is shining (though it's still freezing).
• I got another tax document in the mail today, so I should be able to file as soon as I get the cash.
• After lunch, I'm eating a York Peppermint Pattie.
  

Holding Back

I've noticed something about myself. Whenever I get upset about something, the anger doesn't come right away. Usually, the longer I think about something, the madder I get. I have no idea why this is, but that's the way I've always been.

I wrote a very angry post this morning, but I'm not going to publish it just yet. I need time to decide if this is a battle I really want to fight. Sometimes you just have to cut your losses and move on, but this is something I'm not sure I want to give up on just yet. Hopefully I'll get some clarity from God; he's probably sick of hearing my prayers but I need a lot of help right now.

Today has been okay so far. I feel...different--kind of hesitant. Like I'm constantly second-guessing myself. It's very unsettling, but hopefully things will work out soon. I feel like I try very hard to make everyone happy. I can't do so much anymore; it's just making me frustrated. Whew. I just need a talk with God and a nap. Pray for me; my heart is hurting.

Three Good Things:

• Leftover chicken biryani for lunch.
• I finally have all of my tax info so I can file.
• Work tomorrow and Thursday at my part-time job for some extra cash.

Three Not-So-Good Things:

• Just got a $115 electricity bill.
• My head is pounding.
• It's FREEZING and the wind is cruel.

(Sorry, y'all. I had to get some not-good-things out of my head today.)

Smile

I'm feeling much better now. I'm about to start taking control of my life.

Step 1: The GRE and grad school.

Step 2: Getting out of credit card debt.

Step 3: Loving myself...by myself if I have to.

Breathe - Taylor Swift

Three Good Things:

• It's snowing and it's BEAUTIFUL.
• Katie's surprise birthday party tonight.
• I just had my first smile of the morning.
  

Already Gone

My heart hurts so badly I'm finding it hard to think. I feel like my magic carpet was just yanked from beneath me and now I'm plummeting toward the ground. I truly was not expecting this.

Last night SS said that we needed to have a serious conversation. Basically, he told me that he wasn't sure that he could handle the distance between us. He said that I was what he was looking for in a woman, but the one thing holding us back was the fact that he lived in Texas and I'm here in Kentucky.

I honestly don't know what to say. Immediately after our conversation ended I was on my knees, talking to God. I asked him for guidance, peace, and strength. I told him that my life was His and that whatever He wanted me to do was what I would do. Most of all, I prayed that SS wouldn't be hurt in this. I want him to be happy more than I want myself to be; I care about him so much more than anyone knows.

And now I don't know what to do. I'm perpetually on the verge of tears. I'm really confused and I don't know what to do or how to act anymore. I really just need God to tell me what to do--I don't think He would give me something so wonderful just to take it away. SS is the man that I've been praying for, and I think that this is a test from God to see how hard we're willing to work for our blessing. Proverbs 14:23 says, "All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty."

My self-confidence was rattled; what if he finds someone better, someone closer, someone who can do what I can't because there's 2000 miles between us? I know that I haven't done anything wrong, but this really threw me for a loop. I am truly at a loss for words (which, if you know me at all, doesn't happen very often).

Now I have to go to work and pretend that nothing's wrong, all the while wondering what's going to happen next. I'm trying my best to give this whole situation up to God; I know that he'll make everything work. I just feel very...helpless, I guess. I have a feeling that God and I are going to be talking a lot today.

Try Sleeping With A Broken Hea...

Three Good Things:

• I woke up this morning.
• It finally stopped raining.
• I went to church yesterday and got a great message.

(Coming up with these three things was so hard. I don't feel very good right now. But like I told SS, this problem could be so much bigger. We just have to rely on God to bring us through.)

The Too Much

SS mentioned his strengths and weaknesses in relationships to me the other day, and it made me start thinking about the things in my personality that I thought were benefits and detriments to my romantic relationships. So, I started a list:

Strengths:

1. I love hard. When I love someone, I love them with every single part of me.
2. I give. When I'm with someone, whatever I have, they have. If my baby wants it, I'll try my best to make it happen.
3. I'm ride or die. I'm extremely loyal, and I'll stay by my man's side through anything.
   
4. I'm affectionate. I really enjoy hugging and kissing and cuddling--all that lovey-dovey nonsense. I'm also a complimenter; if I like your outfit, shoes, face, whatever, I'll tell you about it.
5. I listen. I try my best not to make conversations about me. I tend to ask lots of open-ended questions so people will talk about themselves. I'm really interested in people, especially the people I care about. I also try to find a solution to every problem and a silver lining to every cloud.
   

Weaknesses:

1. I have expectations. This may be wrong, but whatever I give I expect in return. If I'm willing to go the extra mile for you, you should be willing to do the same.
   
2. I'm sensitive. I sometimes take things too seriously and my feelings get hurt.
   
3. I keep quiet. If I'm upset about something, I usually keep it to myself if it's not a huge deal. I like to pick my battles but sometimes that results in me being silent more often than speaking up.
   
4. I'm (slightly) jealous. You all know I've been working on my self-esteem, so it makes sense that watching my man interact with other girls would throw me off a bit. I'm not crazy jealous by any means, but I do get a slight twinge of jealousy sometimes.
   
5. I think too far ahead. I'm a planner by nature, and I tend to get ahead of myself when it comes to relationships. Sometimes I think things are more serious than they actually are.

I've been thinking a lot about the man that God designed for me. I sometimes joke and say that I don't think I'll ever get married because I don't know how any man could put up with me for the rest of his life. But somewhere, there's a man who can deal with the person that I am--I know that God created him; I feel it. I wonder if he's looking for me too.

This is one of my favorite poems. I actually competed with this in a poetry program for speech my freshman year and got 5th in the nation. Christa Bell taught me that it's okay to love too much.

Christa Bell: 'The Too Much'


Three Good Things:

• I went to an oxygen bar in Nashville and it was AWESOME.
  
• I finally cleaned all the junk out of my car.
  
• I ate Ihop again. :)
  

Thanks...I think.

They say God never puts more on you than you can bear. If that's the case, I appreciate the compliment, God--you must think I'm the world's strongest woman.

Long story short, I bought a short-term insurance policy to cover me after my mom's insurance policy on me ran out. I went to the doctor twice, and somehow managed to amass over $1000 in charges--$700 of which I have to pay out of pocket. I've tried my hardest to get out of it, but Anthem won't budge. I swear, insurance companies have it made: you pay them for the policy and the deductible, and if they don't think they've made enough money they start charging out-of-network fees or denying claims based on the smallest technicalities. They've got the best hustle on the block.

Anyhow, I've stressed and cried and practically ripped my hair out in frustration over this situation, but what's done is done and there's nothing I can do to change it now. I will get through this. I'm just taking it as a compliment from God--He obviously thinks I can handle the pressure.

PS (SS, I heard this song yesterday and it reminded me of you. I haven't been able to get it--or you--out of my head, especially since I know you like Beyonce as much as I do. :) Oh, and thanks for making me feel precious. You are a wonderful man.)

Smash Into You - Beyoncé

Three Good Things:

• I just set up a payment plan for this $700 medical bill, so I have a year to pay it off (interest free).
  
• I should be receiving my first check from my part-time job pretty soon, and I'll be working there this weekend to earn a few more bucks.
  
• After months of impatient waiting and incessant cravings, I FINALLY GOT TO EAT AT IHOP.
  

A Woman's Worth

My mom sent this to me in an email today and I felt the need to share it.

One Flaw In Women

Women have strengths that amaze men......

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy

and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in..

They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer

when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel

and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about

a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member,

yet they are strong when they

think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss

can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you

to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what

makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.

They have compassion and ideas.

They give moral support to their

family and friends.

Women have vital things to say

and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,

IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

I didn't realize how just how much I was worth until recently; I'd been selling myself short for so long that I didn't think I was worth anything at all. Please take some time today to tell a woman you care about how precious she is to you. Trust me, she'll appreciate it more than you know. :)

This Woman's Work (Uncut) - Ma...

Three Good Things:

• I got a great night of sleep last night.
• One of my coworkers brought me some Twilight-themed valentine candy hearts with a gorgeous picture of Taylor Lautner (a.k.a. the werewolf Jacob Black) on the box.
• I FINALLY got my hair done and it looks GREAT.
  

Bad Day

Today has been rough to say the least. Time to think of the good things.

Baby Don't Cry (Keep Ya Head U...

Three Good Things:

• I woke up this morning.
• I have a reliable job that pays me enough to get the things I need.
• SS. He's awesome, and always there when I need a smile. Thank you.
  

Defying Gravity

It feels like forever since I last posted, but life has been picking up and I'm trying to stay afloat. I started my part-time job on Monday night and it honestly wasn't as bad as I though it would be. I literally picked up trash, swept, and mopped. Not too complicated, right?

I was there from 9 p.m. until just after midnight, but once I got home I couldn't sleep. Ever since then, I've been having issues when it comes to getting some shut-eye. For some reason I'm just not tired. Maybe I just need some time to get adjusted. It also doesn't help that, just as I'm finally dozing off, my phone starts blowing up with text messages and phone calls. (Seriously, do you need to discuss finding a place to stay until your dorm opens at midnight??? You need to make those type of calls during business hours, sir. I'm trying to sleep.)

But I'm working tonight and tomorrow night as well, so hopefully I'll be good and tired so I can sleep well Friday night (which, coincidentally, is when Mr. I-need-somewhere-to-stay-for-so-I'm-going-to-text-you-a-million-times-while-you're-sleeping is getting back in town. Okay, I'm done ranting now.). I swear, if I'm not tired after that then I'm gonna have to break down and invest in some Ambien. Or some alcohol. Whichever.

The real reason I wanted to write today is because, all of a sudden, I've gotten tired of playing by other people's rules. Sometimes I just want things to happen on my terms, you know? I'm the type of person who constantly works to make other people happy and comfortable, and a lot of times that comes at the sacrifice of my comfort and happiness. Sometimes I want to be pursued, coddled, and taken care of. But I'm not too worried about it. It makes me happy to do things for others; sometimes I'd just like something in return. But it's better to give than to receive, and I know that God's gift of grace for selflessness is much better than any earthly gift.

Defying Gravity - Glee Cast

Three Good Things:

• I treated myself to dinner at Culver's yesterday.
• I get paid weekly at my part-time job, so I'll consistently have extra money coming in pretty soon.
• I'm going home to spend some time with my family (and do laundry) on Sunday.

"Move it, Football Head!"

Do you remember the show 'Hey Arnold'? It was a cartoon that aired on Nickelodeon in the 90s--you know, football-headed kid and his friends living in the city? Well, I love that show; I've got the first two seasons on dvd and hope to get the next three soon (feel free to send me some money for that).

Anyway, the character Helga was obsessed with Arnold; she was desperately in love with the kid. But she kept it a secret and, as far as I know, never told him how she felt about him. I was watching the show today and a thought occurred to me: Why didn't Helga just tell Arnold how she felt, tell him the truth? I wonder if things would have turned out differently. Maybe Arnold would have ended up liking her too. Sorry if this is random, but the thought just came into my head and I felt like sharing. :)

Today was a pretty nice day. I ran a few errands in the morning, then spent most of the afternoon watching 'Dexter: Season 1'. I made myself dinner, painted my nails--overall a very nice evening. It was just missing one thing (and if you guessed SS, you're right). I think about him a lot; he's something I've been waiting for for a long time. I'm trying very hard not to get my hopes up about him, though--just take things as they come and let God lead the way. God knows what he's doing, and I'm just going to put my faith in Him--he's never steered me wrong before.

Three Good Things:

• I will hopefully start my part-time job this week to make some extra money.
  
• I only smudged one nail when I painted them today (a vast improvement, trust me).
  
• Church tomorrow morning!
  

Happy Black Girl

If you guys know me at all, you know I'm a huge Twitter fan. I'm constantly tweeting what I'm doing, where I am, and what I'm thinking, and I'm always trying to get others to do the same. Heck, there's even a Twitter widget on this blog. (Look to the left. Now down just a bit...see it? Good. And if you don't have a Twitter account, get one NOW! And then request to follow me. Thanks.)

One of my good friends and favorite poets, Saeed Jones, is one of the few people I consider a bigger Twitter junkie than myself. He's constantly tweeting about his poetry, his friends, and just the things that he feels need to be said. One of his tweets was something he re-posted from one of his friends. It said one thing over and over: happyblackgirl.

For my whole live I've been a certain "type" of black girl: the smart black girl, the sexy black girl, the sassy black girl, the lonely black girl, and (one of my least favorite) the "white" black girl. But now I'm claiming the title of "happy black girl" for myself. I finally feel happy and fulfilled. I love my family, my friends, my job, my apartment...my life. Right now things are exactly where they need to be and I have to thank God for that.

Happy - Natasha Bedingfield

Three Good Things:

• It's snowing and it's BEAUTIFUL.
• I'm having dinner tonight with a close friend (but I'll make sure my diet stays in check).
  
• SS made it safely to California for the national championship game--GO LONGHORNS!

Clean Up Woman

I'm starting to think that me updating this blog so often is a curse as well as a blessing. Granted, I'm keeping up you up to date with all the things that are going on in my life, but I'm starting to run out of things to write about. I don't want to bore you to death with all the droll details of my ordinary life, so please let me know if things start getting trite and I'll try to spice things up a bit. How, I'm not sure yet, but I promise you I'll try.

Today I started keeping a food journal of all the things I eat. It's really beneficial to see all the calories you take in written down on paper--you can't deny them when they're in black and white. My problem is that I forget to write stuff down. Hopefully I won't have this issue forever (it's only my first day writing in the damn thing) and keeping this food diary will help me lose the few extra pounds I've been complaining about.

One of my main reasons for wanting to lose a few is because of the traveling I hope to do in the next few months. Speech nationals are in April, and I have to look my best if my former DOF (Director of Forensics) asks me to come and judge for them. I REFUSE to have my former competitors look and me and whisper amongst themselves about how fat I've gotten. (Not that I think I'm fat, but five pounds always looks like 10 to the people who haven't seen you in a while.) I really hope I get to go to nationals with the team; I miss speech more than I can say. I also need to see the people that I love from the circuit--I miss my speech boos!

Speaking of boos...well, sort-of boos (maybe), I was invited by SS* yesterday to fly out for his college graduation in May. Needless to say I'm ridiculously excited about this, and even looked up a few flights today while I was at work. I'm hesitant to book one, though, at least until I get confirmation details from him. I also need to save up some money to pay for it. Do you know how much flights cost these days??? Too damn much! I do hope things work out though; I'm really looking forward to sharing a really important moment with someone I really care for. Plus, the town he lives in has an Ihop, where I'll probably put back on all the weight I plan to lose. Strawberry banana pancakes are my weakness, y'all.

But hopefully I'll have some extra cash pretty soon; I got a part-time job today. I haven't actually been hired yet (I have to take a drug test tomorrow and wait for those results to come back) but I'm extremely confident I'll get the job. The position would be cleaning up the basketball arena on campus after games and concerts; I know how to use a mop and broom--plus I have a bachelors' degree--so I definitely feel qualified for the job. The downside? Cleaning from 9 p.m. to midnight--or later. But the lack of sleep will be more than worth the extra cash. And it's not like I haven't lived off 4 hours of sleep before. Remember senior year of college, when I had a full-time management job, was both a speech team member AND a prophyte in my sorority? Yeah. I do too. I didn't go to college so I could clean up after people, but I'm humble--there are plenty of people who would love to have this job or ANY job.

So that's what's been happening in my life thus far. I'm about to do a workout video in my living room (don't laugh) and then just relax at home for the rest of the night. If anything pops off, you'll be the first to know. Oh, and I'm also posting a fun song for you--I heard it on AOL Radio earlier and it's been stuck in my head all day!

Three Good Things:

• I'm actually looking forward to working out right now.
• A lady at work complimented my nail polish today (I told SS that pink was a good color!)
• If the weather is too bad tomorrow, the office will be closed a.k.a. I won't have to go to work!

Let's Hear It For The Boy (Alb...

*Since I always refer to this gentleman as "someone special," I'm going to make his formal name Someone Special (or SS) for the purposes of this blog. I would just say his name, but I don't want all my bidness out in the streets. Plus, he knows who he is. ;)

Cutting Back

It's official: I'm starting a diet tomorrow. What brought on this sudden decision, you ask? Long story short--I went to the doctor this afternoon. They made me get on a scale. The number on that scale was larger than I wanted it to be. So I'm going to start dieting. I'm actually kind of looking forward to seeing the new, smaller me. :)

Three Good Things:

• I made some delicious jambalaya for dinner.
• I worked out to an exercise video in my living room.
• I'm talking to someone special on the phone RIGHT NOW. :)
  

A Great Feeling

Psalm 3:

"O Lord, how many are my foes!
How many rise up against me!
Many are saying of me,
'God will not deliver him.'

But you are a shield around me, O Lord;
you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.
To the Lord I cry aloud,
and he answers me from his holy hill.

I lie down and sleep;
I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.
I will not fear the tens of thousands
drawn up against me on every side.

Arise, O Lord!
Deliver me, O my God!
Strike all my enemies on the jaw;
break the teeth of the wicked.

From the Lord comes deliverance.
May your blessing be on your people."

When I first read this passage, I felt something within me respond. Though I don't have an angry mob of people surrounding me, sometimes negative feelings and general worries do try to bring me down. I finally realize that everything I worry about and stress over is nothing to God; all of the problems that are too large for me are an easy fix for Him. I'm the type of person who worries over EVERYTHING--I'm a Virgo; that's just what we do. But now I'm trying to teach myself that anything I can't solve, God can. And that's a great feeling. :)

This doesn't mean that I'm going to spend excessively, neglect my work obligations, and just wild out in general. I'm just going to do my best to behave responsibly, and know that God will take care of the rest for me. I hope y'all have a wonderful day!

Three Good Things:

• I only have half a day at the office today (I've got a doctor's appointment this afternoon).
• I drank some delicious hot chocolate this morning.
• I got caught up on my sleep last night.