What's Going On

I'm back! Finally, I've got some time to tell you what's been going on as of late. It feels like I've been going 100 mph since Saturday, so it's nice to be able to relax and recount all the recent happenings in my life.

I finished the final part of my application to the SSA, and I should hear something back from them by March 5. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I get this job; I love the work I'm doing now, but I'm just not making enough money doing it. If I get this new job, I'll be able to quit my part-time job and not have to spend 2-3 nights a week cleaning up other people's garbage.

Speaking of my part-time job, I had one of the worst nights ever there on Saturday night. There was a high school cheerleading competition, and we were there from 6 p.m. until 3:30 a.m. cleaning up. I found two dirty diapers while I was cleaning--disgusting! Actually, that's not just disgusting, but bad parenting--who changes their child's diaper in front of God and everybody at some cheerleading competition?!? That's wrong on a whole lot of levels. But we eventually got the place cleaned up, so I guess that's good.

My job held it's annual Chocolate Festival on Sunday, which was great. I was a bit sleep-deprived (see the above paragraph for further explanation) but I practically ate my weight in chocolate and that totally made up for the lack of sleep. There were cakes, desserts, ice creams, and my favorite--chocolate fondue. We also made a lot of money for our organization, which was fantastic. I wish we could have a chocolate festival every week! :)

Also, I have a boyfriend now. I'm choosing to keep most of the information about this part of my life private from now on, but know that I'm really happy. He's very chill; I don't feel like I have to censor or edit any part of myself when I'm around him. He accepts me, flaws and all, and that's something that I've never had before. I'm looking forward to seeing what happens with this.

I will be judging NFA Nationals for my alma mater (I love saying that, lol) in April. I'm excited about seeing all of my former competitors and all of the great material that made it to nats. I'm going to start saving money to buy some nationals outfits--I can't look trashy in front of all those people who are used to seeing me in suits all the time. :) It should be a good time, and Corn will be there, so at least I'll have someone to act a fool with whenever we're not judging.

And that's about it so far. I'll make sure to keep y'all posted on the job and all the other happenings in my life. I love having this place to say what I feel when I need too; it's awesome. Thanks for listening. :)

At Your Best You Are Love - Aa...

Three Good Things:

• I made $75 yesterday.
• I'm going to start working out or walking or something--I've been lazy for too long.
• So far I've avoided the bug that's been going around the office (knock on wood).
  

Loose Ends

I've finally taken care of something that I've needed to do for the past week. I can't help but wonder if I made the right decision, but making mistakes is a part of life. Here's to starting fresh, MY way.

Superwoman - Alicia Keys

Three Good Things:

• Nail appointment today.
• Chocolate Festival tomorrow.
• I should know something about the job soon.
  

Changes

It's time for me to make some decisions. I've said it before (and hopefully I won't have to say it again)--I'm tired of living my life on other people's terms. I want to do things my way. It's not that I'm selfish and I want everything done how I want it all the time. I'm just not going to give so much of myself in order to please others. No relationship is 50/50; sometimes you take more, sometimes you give more. But I've noticed that, more often than not, I'm the one giving more. So I'm starting to make some changes. And if I make mistakes, then I'm going to own up to them. God is the one who's ultimately in control, and now I'm going to make decisions based on what He tells me to do, not what other people want me to do.

Three Good Things:

• Chocolate Festival (a fundraiser for my job) this weekend.
• Hey Arnold should be here tomorrow.
  
• I met someone who's willing to do things my way.
  

John 13:34

"To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others."

-Anne-Sophie Swetchine

I haven't found my true love yet, but I know he's out there somewhere. God will bring him to me when I'm ready. Hopefully we will be able to create something beautiful from that love, something to show the world the realness of God's blessings.

This is my favorite song, and it will be the song my husband and I have our first dance to at our wedding (if I have my way, which I often do lol). Enjoy today, and spread love to someone who needs it. Happy Valentine's Day.

Can You Stand The Rain - Boyz ...

Three Good Things:

• I ordered seasons 3, 4, and 5 of Hey Arnold--they should be here by Tuesday.
• I got a cute Valentine's text from my mom this morning.
• Valentine candy is half-off tomorrow!
  

The best kind of strange. :)

Hello all. It's been almost a week since my last post, and all I can say is that baby girl has been BUSY. Work, more work, and trying (unsuccessfully) to catch up on all the sleep I've missed from work and more work has kept me more than occupied. But here's an update on La Vida de Ashley--finally.

My interview on Monday went well. I met with a panel of four people and they asked me questions about my work skills, life plans, the usual. They also let me know about how the job works and what would be expected of me. Apparently it's a job with lots of pressure--from clients as well as coworkers and employers. I feel like I can handle that. Hell, for a salary increase of over $10,000 I can handle just about anything. I'm still waiting to hear back from them; they told me it would be at least a week before they made a decision. I'm getting my reference forms out now. All prayers about this would be greatly appreciated. :)

I've been hanging out with my friend Chad a lot, which has been very fun. Yesterday we made lunch and goofed off at my best friend Katie's--I had a snow day from work and it was awesome to be able to chill with friends and just relax for a day. He's taking me to Nashville tomorrow--I'm his "valentine," lol--to a vaudeville show and dinner. I've never seen anything like vaudeville before, so I'm pretty pumped. He's really cool, so I know we'll have fun. Hopefully I'll remember to take my camera (and my batteries won't die) so I'll be able to post pictures.

There's more I want to say, but I'm choosing to keep my thoughts to myself for now. Just know that I'm the happiest I've been in quite some time. I'm the ultimate worrier, so I can't help but think that things won't go my way on this one. But I'm trying really hard to just relax and think positively.

Live Like We're Dying - Kris A...

Three Good Things:

• Snow day--and excellent lunch--with great friends yesterday.
• Vaudeville adventure in Nashville tomorrow.
• Spending quality time with a beautiful soul who is "the best kind of strange" tonight. :)
  

Eclipse

"It's so hard to describe. It's not like love at first sight, really. It's more like...gravity moves. When you see her, suddenly it's not the earth holding you here anymore. She does. And nothing matters more than her. And you would do anything for her, be anything for her...You become whatever she needs you to be, whether that's a protector, or a lover, or a friend, or a brother.

...He'll be her perfect match. Like he was designed for her alone."

[From Eclipse, by Stephenie Meyer]

And not only that, but the character who spoke these words was a 6'4", brown-skinned, ridiculously muscled, heartbreakingly handsome werewolf--one of the sexiest men I've ever seen. You see where my unrealistic expectations of love are coming from? Why do I torture myself by reading this stuff??? Ugh!

...Because it's beautiful, that's why. And I say that as grudgingly as possible. But it's just a story after all. I'm not foolish enough to believe in fairy tales anymore.

Ain't No Other Man - Christina...

Three Good Things:

• I might be filing my taxes online (for free) this afternoon
• Slow day at work.
  
• This damn book.
  

Listen

I am who I am. I worry too much, I try too hard, and I forget everything. I don't do it on purpose, and to hurt anyone is not my aim. I'm doing the best that I can.

A Place in this World - Taylor...

Three Good Things:

• I had an excellent time with a friend last night.
• One of my co-workers brought me a Valentine's cookie this morning.
• I'm going to file my taxes for free this year (either online or with a free tax prep program at a bank in town.)
  

"I'm not always there when you call..."

I've had a problem with trusting God in the past. I'm a person who worries a lot, and I would get so caught up in worrying about everything that could or would go wrong in my life that I didn't just leave it up to God to handle. I was putting my faith in the world and not in the Lord.

I've since been working on giving everything to God to handle. He, after all, is the one who can heal all wounds and solve all problems--all we have to do is ask. I also have issues asking people for things; I always want to do everything myself and never want to depend on anyone. But it finally clicked to me today that God wants to hear from us. He wants us to tell him things that we can't tell anyone else, to ask for things we wouldn't dream of asking anyone else for. The fact that we can bear our souls in prayer proves our faithfulness to Him. He already knows what's in our hearts, and just wants us to be able to confide in Him with our own mouths.

Sometimes God brings blessings to show us that he hasn't forgotten about us. At times when we pray, God doesn't say "no," but instead says "not right now." I've found that blessings like these come when my faith is dwindling. For example, I was stressed about my finances, worrying about how I was going to make ends meet. I was questioning God and wondering why He was letting things go downhill when my life had been going so well. But then I got an email about a job I interviewed for a year ago (which you already know). I have a follow-up interview on Monday, and I'm praying that things go well. This was something that reminded me that God was still on my side, and that struggles are His way of reminding us to keep our faith in Him.

Count It All Joy - Bebe And Ce...

Three Good Things:

• I'm one step closer to getting in control of my debt.
  
• I'm starting a special craft project tonight. :)
  
• Job interview Monday morning!
  

"This ain't a fairytale..."

I just finished re-reading Twilight last night. I know, I'm a nerd. But I'm a cute nerd, so back off. Anyway, the story of Edward and Bella is breathtakingly beautiful. The fact that they fight to be together despite his...situation is really sweet to me. Even though I know it's all made up and would probably never happen in real life, it's nice to make believe sometimes.

I've always wanted some handsome prince to swoop in and take me away--true love, riding off into the sunset. Of course, I quickly outgrew that fantasy when my string of relationships ended more like nightmares than dreams. I'm still holding out hope that the man God made for me is out there somewhere. I'm probably just not ready for him yet. Someday, though, it will happen. And though it won't be perfect--no relationship is perfect--it will be something brought together by God. And that's all I need it to be.

I was thinking about where the inspiration for this post came from, and I just realized I'm writing this because I want to be kissed. That's it. No one has kissed me in quite some time. I'm flushing with embarrassment just writing this, but if I can't say what I want here, where can I? I want a man to kiss me...and mean it. Not because I asked him to, not because he thinks he's gonna get laid if he does, but because he wants to show me how he feels about me. I doubt it's going to happen any time in the near future, but I'm cool with that. A girl can imagine. :)

White Horse - Taylor Swift

Three Good Things:

• I finally cleaned up my kitchen last night! (Tonight I'm tackling the living room and bathroom.)
• I had my first Gigi's cupcake yesterday--I now know where most of my paychecks will be spent.
• I'm canceling my credit cards this week...my first step toward getting out of debt. :)