"Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere..."

I've spent the better part of today updating my Monster.com profile. There are going to be some personnel cuts at my job and I'm just trying to get ready.

Whew. It just seems like one thing after another these days. It kind of reminds me of a few months ago, when I would think about my credit card debt and literally feel like I was drowning in it; my head would spin, my heart would race, and I just couldn't seem to take another breath.

But everything will be okay; I know it will. Even if I do get downsized, I'll make it through just fine. I'm going to have to leave this one up to God. Sorry things have been so depressing here lately, but what can I say? I'm going through a rough time. Hopefully things will look up soon.

Brick (Album Version) - Ben Fo...

Three Good Things:

• The sun is shining after a morning of rain.
• Daria comes out in about two weeks.
• I'm still breathing.
  

"I get away only in my mind..."

I'm sitting at my desk at work, fighting back tears. I've never tried so hard to get my life together. I'm really working to make myself a better person. But it seems like every time I do something right, another piece of my life slides out of place. I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

I enrolled myself in a debt management program; I went a little crazy with a couple of credit cards and decided to get help with my debt. I've been paying on time every month since February. And still, I'm getting bills from creditors asking for late fees. One of my medical bills has gone to collection. People keep asking for money, and it's getting to the point that I don't know where it's going to come from anymore.

More and more I find myself wishing that I wasn't who I am. I want to be someone else, someone who doesn't have to struggle every single day to stay above water. I guess it's good in a way; I'm being motivated to do better with the hopes that I won't have to work so hard all the time, that I'll find one job--instead of three or four--that will pay my bills. I'm trying to channel all the negative energy into positive thoughts, but some days--like today--are so much harder than others.

Through the grace of God, I just got paid for one of my writing jobs; I got the bulk of the money yesterday, and the rest is coming today. Tomorrow I'll deposit the cash. Friday, I'll write two checks and hand the money I worked so hard for to someone else. Every night, I'll pray that someday soon I won't have to worry so much.

I Sit Away - Boyz II Men

Three Good Things:

• I woke up this morning.
• The woman at the medical office was kind to me; she let me split my balance into two payments so it would be easier to pay.
• I still have a roof over my head and food in my cabinets.
  

Sweet Escape

I have to many jobs to blog. But now it's vacation time and I'm gonna relax, damn it!

I'm leaving to judge NFA tomorrow--I'm the most excited to see everyone! I've planned two outfits for every day: dressy and casual. I also got a weave. I'm not kidding. Looking fly at this tournament is serious.

I'm going to miss my boyfriend, but I'm glad to get away for a while. I work really hard and I'm finally getting some time to enjoy myself. :)

I'll post pics and stories throughout the trip when I'm not too busy being sassy and fabulous. :)

Rude Boy - Rihanna

Three Good Things:

• Vacation TOMORROW!
• I just made the last payment on my furniture.
• Backrubs from my boyfriend.