"I'll be better than I am..."

So many things have happened in the month (gosh, I feel horrible typing that) since I've last updated. I know I said I would update more frequently, I felt bad about not posting more, blah blah blah. I'm not going to say all that stuff again because you probably wouldn't believe me--heck, I wouldn't even believe me. So I'm just going to post when I remember to. I can't make myself into someone I'm not.

First, I am still happily single. I've gone on a date since Dylan and I ended things, and it was fun; it was nice to meet a guy who's on my level--job, degree, God fearing, motivated. We went to dinner and for ice cream and...he kissed me. It was really nice. :) I felt myself getting too caught up in it; I wanted us to be boyfriend/girlfriend RIGHT AWAY. But then I shook myself back and saw that I was doing the same thing I always do: trying to find satisfaction in someone else instead of being happy with myself. So things are good. We're going to see Eclipse tonight with some of his friends, and I'm not gonna get my hopes up about it. Hopefully it will just be a good time for everyone.

Second, I will be going to Wisconsin sometime soon for a final interview for a job there. I'm really excited, but nervous at the same time--Kentucky is the only place I've ever lived. My family, my friends, everything I love is here. I don't know if I could just leave it. But I also know that, if I stay, I'll be selling myself short. I gave everything over to God and told him that whatever he wanted me to do, I would do. If He wants me in Wisconsin, that's where I'll be! So I'll go to the interview and give it my best. If things go well, I could be updating from a new home in a new state!

Third, I'm finally starting to save some money. It's not much, but it's a start. I feel much better about my financial situation now, but I know I have a looooonnnng way to go to get where I want to be. I'll be out of debt in about 3 years, hopefully sooner if I get a better job that pays more. The only thing I'm really concerned about is the possibility that I'll be moving to Wisconsin; it will cost about $2,000 to break the lease on my apartment, and I do NOT have that money right now. But I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Overall, things are going much better in the money department.

That's about all I have for now. I'm feeling really good about everything that's happening; I haven't felt this peaceful in a long time. Life is good. :)

Three Good Things:

• Off tonight and tomorrow at my second job.
• Family cookout on Saturday.
• Sleeping in on Monday--Happy Fourth of July!
  

"If that's love, it comes at much too high a cost."

Well, my boyfriend and I broke up yesterday. Things have been a bit rocky for some time, and I guess it was just time for us to end things and move on. I was all for talking it out and seeing if we could make it work, but not everyone is willing to put for the effort to try and salvage something...even a relationship.

Deep down, I knew that things weren't working out--they weren't going the way I wanted them to. Too many times I got upset over the constant favors I'd be asked for, the canceled plans, the phone calls and text messages that never came. But I think that I was hoping things would change, that the bond between us would overrule all the bad things that were popping up in our relationship. But I've been with enough guys to know that they never change. I'm usually the one doing all the changing, and I'm sick of that. I'm not going to compromise who I am or what I believe in for a man anymore.

Overall I've been pretty upset about the breakup, but after a long sob-fest and a somewhat sleepless night, I actually feel a little better (thanks to some great friends, coworkers, and family). My mom is convinced that I'll meet someone else someday, someone more professional and on the same level I am, but I'm not so sure. I'm so tired of trying, of meeting someone new and starting the whole silly dating process over again. It's exhausting and usually ends up in hurt feelings. But who knows? Maybe she's right. As I've grown up I've learned that she's been right about a lot of things. :)