Him

If you don't dream, you're never disappointed when those dreams don't come true.

I should know this by now.

I took a chance--I won't anymore.

"I want to bring out the best in you..."

I recently had a conversation with someone that I care for about the possibility of starting a serious relationship. This is a man that I've had feelings for for a long time, and I'm glad that we finally got everything out in the open about becoming more than just friends. While the conversation didn't go exactly how I wanted it to, I do have some new insights about what I want out of my romantic relationships.

I want a man who will let me bring out the best in him, and who will do the same for me. I don't believe in someone being my "other half;" that implies that I was incomplete without him. I believe that when you find the person you're truly meant to be with, he or she will inspire you to become the best person you possibly can be. Relationships to me are more about complimenting a person than completing them.

The person that I'm speaking of is...amazing. I mean, head-over-heels-marriage-and-kids-already-tried-out-his-last-name-with-my-first-name-to-see-how-it-sounds amazing. I'm hoping that he will let me into his heart and show him that being alone isn't the same as being strong. The strongest people are the ones that learn to love despite the pain it can bring.

If there is one thing I compliment myself on, it is the fact that no matter how many times I've been hurt, I'm still willing to open my heart and search for the man I am destined to be with. No one but God knows where he is or when we'll find each other, but I think that I've already found him. And if that's the case, I'm willing to take things as slowly as necessary--opportunities like this don't happen every day.

The search is on...

Recently I've started looking at apartments for my post-graduation move. Now you may be thinking, "It's only January--why are you looking so early?" Trust me, I asked myself the same question. But I'm starting now because I want to be very particular about the place I will be calling "home" for the next year (or more) of my life.

I want to make sure that I find a place where I can relax after working hard all day. I've been looking forward to this moment; I'm ridiculously excited about it. This is the sign that I'm growing up, and I'm ready for it. Also, I love the idea of being able to decorate my own house! I guess that's just the girly-girl coming out in me.

Wow. I never though time would go by so quickly. I'll be taking care of myself from now on...and I can't wait.

Amen...

After weeks of not hearing my cell phone alarm clock, I finally woke up in time for that Southern Sunday ritual--church. I'm not an overly religious person by any means, but I do believe that someone has a plan for all of us and that by showing compassion and love for one another, we can go to a place of eternal peace. And that, it seems, is where I struggle.

I love the Lord, but to love fellow human beings in the way that God loves me is hard sometimes. I tend to hold grudges, and learning to let go and let God is one of the lessons I struggle with daily. But how can you not hold people to the same standards that you hold yourself? I try to be as considerate to others as possible, and it bothers me (sometimes for weeks for months afterward) when others don't do the same. But I'm learning that God has a plan for everyone, that the only true judgment comes from Him, and that I have to focus on making myself the best person I can be before I can cast my eyes upon anyone else.

With that said, I'm going to finish my cereal and head to church. Hopefully today's sermon will speak to me and help me become the person I know I can be. Be blessed.

Time for me to do it...

On my own. As the culmination of my college career draws nearer, I've started thinking what it means to be an "adult." I know about jobs, bills, and all of those things, but what else will adulthood have in store for me? I keep thinking about all the places and people that I'm destined to meet during this life. It seems like just yesterday that I was turning 13 during my freshman year of high school, thinking 21 was light years away.

When looking to the future I've also found myself thinking about the present, the people and things that currently exist in my life. Some of them I intend to keep with me throughout my journey, others I'm leaving behind. It's deciding what goes where that's the hardest part. I'm really starting to rethink how I make my decisions; I'm scrutinizing more closely than ever who I let in my life and my heart. Maybe that's the secret to being an adult--recognizing that it's time to leave childhood behind and take full responsibility for the life you lead.

Desperate...College Student?

I recently picked up the first season of Desperate Housewives at the local video store to fill some of my winter break boredom. The show is filled with twists, turns, and most importantly...secrets. After watching the seemingly perfect lives of the ladies of Wisteria Lane and the secrets they struggle to keep hidden, I started to think about the indiscretions that I try to hide. Everyone has their secrets, the little bits and pieces of themselves they keep inside away from the prying eyes of others.

I've kept many a secret about myself, simply because I don't want anyone getting too close to me--when you let someone in your heart, you give them the power to break it. I'm both proud and resentful of this aspect of my personality--proud because I keep control of who I let into my heart, resentful because I feel like I've missed out on a lot of great experiences because of it. I don't regret my decision in the least, but sometimes I do wonder what kind of person I would have become if I'd chosen a different path.

At this point in my life, I feel like all the pieces of myself don't quite fit together. Not necessarily broken, just waiting for all the pieces to slide together in a perfect fit. I'm looking forward to the day when everything fits together in the way I'd like it to. Then, I'll finally be able to leave my secrets behind...