Last night SS said that we needed to have a serious conversation. Basically, he told me that he wasn't sure that he could handle the distance between us. He said that I was what he was looking for in a woman, but the one thing holding us back was the fact that he lived in Texas and I'm here in Kentucky.
I honestly don't know what to say. Immediately after our conversation ended I was on my knees, talking to God. I asked him for guidance, peace, and strength. I told him that my life was His and that whatever He wanted me to do was what I would do. Most of all, I prayed that SS wouldn't be hurt in this. I want him to be happy more than I want myself to be; I care about him so much more than anyone knows.
And now I don't know what to do. I'm perpetually on the verge of tears. I'm really confused and I don't know what to do or how to act anymore. I really just need God to tell me what to do--I don't think He would give me something so wonderful just to take it away. SS is the man that I've been praying for, and I think that this is a test from God to see how hard we're willing to work for our blessing. Proverbs 14:23 says, "All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty."
My self-confidence was rattled; what if he finds someone better, someone closer, someone who can do what I can't because there's 2000 miles between us? I know that I haven't done anything wrong, but this really threw me for a loop. I am truly at a loss for words (which, if you know me at all, doesn't happen very often).
Now I have to go to work and pretend that nothing's wrong, all the while wondering what's going to happen next. I'm trying my best to give this whole situation up to God; I know that he'll make everything work. I just feel very...helpless, I guess. I have a feeling that God and I are going to be talking a lot today.
Three Good Things:
- I woke up this morning.
- It finally stopped raining.
- I went to church yesterday and got a great message.
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