Out of the loop.

I grew up an only child for most of my life. Though my mom's boyfriend's son (complicated, I know) did come and live with us, he came when I was in eighth grade and left after my junior year of high school. I was practically grown by then, so I don't really count that experience--and also because we mostly stayed out of each other's way. I'm used to being by myself, so I don't mind it that much. Sometimes, though, it gets to me.

My apartment is completely across town from where all of my friends live, so going to hang out with them is kind of a trek. I also work full-time, so a lot of times I have to leave early because I have work the next day or I'm just too tired to hang out after a full day of work. Which is understandable (at least it is to me), but it doesn't make things much easier or much fun.

I guess sometimes I just feel left out of things. Like I'm not really a part of the loop. Everyone else seems like they don't have too many worries, that summer is really summer--something to enjoy. I'm only 21 and I feel so much older than I am. I'm constantly worried about bills and work and being responsible. I think that's what I should be doing, but I feel left out of everything else. I don't know. I guess that, behind the capable, confident, adult me there's someone who's just...lonely. Did I grow up too fast? I'm not sure anymore.

My mom always said, "The only person you can depend on is yourself." I believe that to be true, but I don't want to live my life alone either. I think I need to branch out, meet some new people. I found an interesting quotation today that kind of sums up how I feel about all this: "It is a very lonely life that a man leads, who becomes aware of truths before their times." -Thomas Brackett Reed