So, when did facebook get so accurate?

I finally broke down and added an application to my facebook profile--the daily horoscope one. I've never been super into horoscopes, but I thought I'd give it a try. This is my horoscope for today:

Today something you have worked hard for, or have been hoping to receive, may be realized or come to you, Virgo. Many of the astrological patterns of the day point to hidden things coming to the surface, or the discovery of something that was thought to be lost. This is all about your faith in your efforts, past, present and future. Avoid get-rich quick schemes; they may interfere with your process of attraction and manifestation. This is not a "your greatest treasure is love" omen either; it's about the tangible rewards of persistence and hope.

After reading this, I checked my email. I got an email about a job I interviewed for last year. This is a government job, with full benefits and a paycheck that's much larger than the one I'm currently receiving. It's not perfect, but it would be an improvement. This is my horoscope from yesterday:

You might be looking at friends through "rose-colored glasses" right now, Virgo, but that's all about to change. Today's all-day opportunity period is pushing you in a seriously analytical mood about others for a reason. Someone may be pressing you for some kind of agreement that may not be beneficial to you, but because of having an attitude of expecting things to fall into place, you may not recognize that a good contract does not mean a good deal. Look at others through the eye of truth today: relationships may change a bit, but for the better.

Today, a friend that I haven't talked to since high school sent me a message. We got to talking, and he seemed interested in me. I told him I was very selective and that I wasn't sure I was really what he was looking for, but he persisted. After quite a bit of witty banter, I learned that he just wanted a BG hookup (which, as my celibacy vow indicates, I am not down for). Once he found out the muffin shop was closed, he made a hasty exit.

Weird, huh? I'm not taking these things too seriously, but I just thought how funny how accurate they were. I'm not going to go nuts and start adding all kinds of applications, though. Facebook isn't that good.

Three Good Things:

• I'm currently planning my five-year high school reunion for this summer.
• I got a full night's sleep last night (even though I had to call into work).
• The snow is finally here!
  

Ordinary Day

I woke up this morning with a headache, so the morning started off a bit roughly. After eating lunch and taking an aspirin--and also treating myself to a double-scoop of Andes Candies frozen custard at Culver's--I was feeling much better. Now I'm sitting at work, counting down the minutes until I leave here to go home and pretend to sleep for a few hours before my part-time job. Same old, same old.

I've been trying to relax and clear my head, but something keeps bothering me. I'm not going to talk about it here just yet because I'm still trying to work things out in my head. I'll let you know when I get things figured out though. One think I can say is that I'm clearly not very good at interacting with men. I don't get them, and I'm pretty sure they don't get me either. Oh well. More later.

Ordinary Day - Vanessa Carlton

Three Good Things:

• Andes Candies frozen custard at Culver's.
• I talked to my mommy this morning.
• I've got peanut butter Oreos waiting for me at home.
  

(I think I'm stress-eating; I keep mentioning food.)

Up

For those who heard about the potential Angry Ashley blow up that occurred yesterday, I'm happy to report that I'm feeling much better today. Definitely not at top form, but overall much happier. Things are looking up.

I've been struggling just a bit in the financial department, but that's nothing new. I'm also having trouble sleeping again; my mom recommended that I get some sleeping pills, but stuff like that scares me. I'm always afraid that I'm not going to wake up, and working for a hospice center makes fears like those much more real. I have to work my part-time job tonight (tomorrow, Saturday, and Sunday too), so maybe that will help me knock out a little bit easier. If worst comes to worst, I'll break down and buy some Tylenol PM. Desperate times...

Also, I'm planning on taking my first GRE practice test this week, and I'm nervous as hell. I don't feel like I've studied nearly enough. I guess I'll find out where I stand when I actually take the test. Cross your fingers and say a prayer for me, please.

SS is...SS. We're friends, and I'm cool with that. And that's all I really have to say about that. Though I'm torn as to whether to send him something for Valentine's Day or not. I know it's early, but I went to Wal-Mart the other day and was bombarded with all kinds of V-Day items on display, so it's kind of fresh on my mind.

I'm not expecting to get anything--I don't expect anything from anyone on Valentine's Day, though my mom is good about buying me chocolates and other fattening things--but I'm not sure if I should send him something or not. I mean, I want to because I like him, but I'm concerned that sending a gift (albeit a small one) would breach the "friend" status. I'll think it over and let you know what I decide.

I'm about to take a lunch break now, then get back behind my desk and watch the clock count down to 4:30. Dinner and a nap at home, then work. I finally feel like I'm back in the swing of things.

I Can Transform Ya (featuring ...

Three Good Things:

• The sun is shining (though it's still freezing).
• I got another tax document in the mail today, so I should be able to file as soon as I get the cash.
• After lunch, I'm eating a York Peppermint Pattie.
  

Holding Back

I've noticed something about myself. Whenever I get upset about something, the anger doesn't come right away. Usually, the longer I think about something, the madder I get. I have no idea why this is, but that's the way I've always been.

I wrote a very angry post this morning, but I'm not going to publish it just yet. I need time to decide if this is a battle I really want to fight. Sometimes you just have to cut your losses and move on, but this is something I'm not sure I want to give up on just yet. Hopefully I'll get some clarity from God; he's probably sick of hearing my prayers but I need a lot of help right now.

Today has been okay so far. I feel...different--kind of hesitant. Like I'm constantly second-guessing myself. It's very unsettling, but hopefully things will work out soon. I feel like I try very hard to make everyone happy. I can't do so much anymore; it's just making me frustrated. Whew. I just need a talk with God and a nap. Pray for me; my heart is hurting.

Three Good Things:

• Leftover chicken biryani for lunch.
• I finally have all of my tax info so I can file.
• Work tomorrow and Thursday at my part-time job for some extra cash.

Three Not-So-Good Things:

• Just got a $115 electricity bill.
• My head is pounding.
• It's FREEZING and the wind is cruel.

(Sorry, y'all. I had to get some not-good-things out of my head today.)

Smile

I'm feeling much better now. I'm about to start taking control of my life.

Step 1: The GRE and grad school.

Step 2: Getting out of credit card debt.

Step 3: Loving myself...by myself if I have to.

Breathe - Taylor Swift

Three Good Things:

• It's snowing and it's BEAUTIFUL.
• Katie's surprise birthday party tonight.
• I just had my first smile of the morning.
  

Already Gone

My heart hurts so badly I'm finding it hard to think. I feel like my magic carpet was just yanked from beneath me and now I'm plummeting toward the ground. I truly was not expecting this.

Last night SS said that we needed to have a serious conversation. Basically, he told me that he wasn't sure that he could handle the distance between us. He said that I was what he was looking for in a woman, but the one thing holding us back was the fact that he lived in Texas and I'm here in Kentucky.

I honestly don't know what to say. Immediately after our conversation ended I was on my knees, talking to God. I asked him for guidance, peace, and strength. I told him that my life was His and that whatever He wanted me to do was what I would do. Most of all, I prayed that SS wouldn't be hurt in this. I want him to be happy more than I want myself to be; I care about him so much more than anyone knows.

And now I don't know what to do. I'm perpetually on the verge of tears. I'm really confused and I don't know what to do or how to act anymore. I really just need God to tell me what to do--I don't think He would give me something so wonderful just to take it away. SS is the man that I've been praying for, and I think that this is a test from God to see how hard we're willing to work for our blessing. Proverbs 14:23 says, "All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty."

My self-confidence was rattled; what if he finds someone better, someone closer, someone who can do what I can't because there's 2000 miles between us? I know that I haven't done anything wrong, but this really threw me for a loop. I am truly at a loss for words (which, if you know me at all, doesn't happen very often).

Now I have to go to work and pretend that nothing's wrong, all the while wondering what's going to happen next. I'm trying my best to give this whole situation up to God; I know that he'll make everything work. I just feel very...helpless, I guess. I have a feeling that God and I are going to be talking a lot today.

Try Sleeping With A Broken Hea...

Three Good Things:

• I woke up this morning.
• It finally stopped raining.
• I went to church yesterday and got a great message.

(Coming up with these three things was so hard. I don't feel very good right now. But like I told SS, this problem could be so much bigger. We just have to rely on God to bring us through.)

The Too Much

SS mentioned his strengths and weaknesses in relationships to me the other day, and it made me start thinking about the things in my personality that I thought were benefits and detriments to my romantic relationships. So, I started a list:

Strengths:

1. I love hard. When I love someone, I love them with every single part of me.
2. I give. When I'm with someone, whatever I have, they have. If my baby wants it, I'll try my best to make it happen.
3. I'm ride or die. I'm extremely loyal, and I'll stay by my man's side through anything.
   
4. I'm affectionate. I really enjoy hugging and kissing and cuddling--all that lovey-dovey nonsense. I'm also a complimenter; if I like your outfit, shoes, face, whatever, I'll tell you about it.
5. I listen. I try my best not to make conversations about me. I tend to ask lots of open-ended questions so people will talk about themselves. I'm really interested in people, especially the people I care about. I also try to find a solution to every problem and a silver lining to every cloud.
   

Weaknesses:

1. I have expectations. This may be wrong, but whatever I give I expect in return. If I'm willing to go the extra mile for you, you should be willing to do the same.
   
2. I'm sensitive. I sometimes take things too seriously and my feelings get hurt.
   
3. I keep quiet. If I'm upset about something, I usually keep it to myself if it's not a huge deal. I like to pick my battles but sometimes that results in me being silent more often than speaking up.
   
4. I'm (slightly) jealous. You all know I've been working on my self-esteem, so it makes sense that watching my man interact with other girls would throw me off a bit. I'm not crazy jealous by any means, but I do get a slight twinge of jealousy sometimes.
   
5. I think too far ahead. I'm a planner by nature, and I tend to get ahead of myself when it comes to relationships. Sometimes I think things are more serious than they actually are.

I've been thinking a lot about the man that God designed for me. I sometimes joke and say that I don't think I'll ever get married because I don't know how any man could put up with me for the rest of his life. But somewhere, there's a man who can deal with the person that I am--I know that God created him; I feel it. I wonder if he's looking for me too.

This is one of my favorite poems. I actually competed with this in a poetry program for speech my freshman year and got 5th in the nation. Christa Bell taught me that it's okay to love too much.

Christa Bell: 'The Too Much'


Three Good Things:

• I went to an oxygen bar in Nashville and it was AWESOME.
  
• I finally cleaned all the junk out of my car.
  
• I ate Ihop again. :)