Drowning

I wish someone would come and take me away from this. I just want to live outside of myself for awhile, get away from the problems that just keep creeping up on me.

I got news today that I need over $3,000 worth of dental work. I don't know what I'm going to do.

That seems to be the story of my life these days.

Three Good Things:

• I'm awake.
• I'm not in pain.
• I still have my job.
  

Lucky Day

Happy St. Patrick's Day! I wore green accidentally today--lucky me! I would've hated to get fired for punching a co-worker who dared to pinch me.

Life is pretty good right now. Still haven't gotten word about the job, but I'm not giving up hope. Just in case it doesn't work out, I've got an interview for a part-time job at the mall to help supplement my income a bit (I'm tired of cleaning up after people, so I've decided to stop working at the arena). Keep your fingers crossed for me though.

My boyfriend is lovely. He's the best part of my life right now and I'm so blessed to have him. We've had a few rough patches, but things are working out well so far. Who knows where this will lead? All I know is I'm enjoying the journey right now. :)

I just wanted to give you a quick update--I promise I'll write more when I've got more to write about. :) Enjoy your St. Paddy's Day and watch out for leprechauns!

Three Good Things:

• Delicious red grapes for breakfast.
  
• Yummy chicken salad sandwich for lunch.
• Peanut butter cookie (bought for me by my oh-so-sweet boyfriend) for dessert. He's the best!
  

What's Going On

I'm writing this post from underneath a hooded hair dryer in the comfort of my bedroom. For all the black girls out there, this is no surprise. Most women of color I know have all the hairdressing accoutrements to start their own beauty shops. Hair is a big deal to us. But I digress. It's time for the update I promised y'all.

I still don't know anything about the job I'm up for, but I should know by next week. I called yesterday and was told that they are waiting for paperwork to come back from their regional office and that they'd let us know just as soon as they knew something. I'm relieved, but nervous at the same time. I really, really want this job...but I'll just have to wait and see. I'll let you know as soon as I hear something.

I've been working my part-time job every night this week, so I've been lacking a bit in the sleep department. I can't wait to quit; the extra money is enough to make me stay, but I would love not to have to clean up after fully capable adults every night of my life. It makes me not even want to clean up my own house. I think everyone should have to do this job at some point in his or her life (just like I think people should have to work in a daycare--preferably a ghetto daycare--before they have kids). I've got a newfound respect for people who clean, and I'm the first person to grab my trash and toss it so someone else doesn't have to now.

My boyfriend is excellent. We...mesh well. He's weird, and so am I, and that works for us. There hasn't been a day that I haven't seen him since we started dating. This part of my life is good. :) I've got two friends staying with me while their dorms are closed for spring break, and I'm looking forward to having some company in the house--especially these two. They're wild! I've got a slight medical issue (there's something wrong with my leg), but hopefully I'll be able to get it looked at sometime next week. It's kind of hard to explain, so I'll just let you know what's up when I find out what the hell it is.

Everything else is going well so far; I can't complain at all. I wish I had more to tell you, but there isn't too much going on right now. The weather is beautiful, so after my hair is finished I'm heading out to enjoy it before I have to work tonight. Have a great weekend!

Three Good Things:

• I've got a day off from both jobs tomorrow, so the boyfriend and I are going to spend the whole day together.
• I went an entire week without breaking a single nail (a vast improvement, as I had to have seven repaired last week).
• My hair is almost dry!
  

Loose Ends

I've finally taken care of something that I've needed to do for the past week. I can't help but wonder if I made the right decision, but making mistakes is a part of life. Here's to starting fresh, MY way.

Superwoman - Alicia Keys

Three Good Things:

• Nail appointment today.
• Chocolate Festival tomorrow.
• I should know something about the job soon.
  

Changes

It's time for me to make some decisions. I've said it before (and hopefully I won't have to say it again)--I'm tired of living my life on other people's terms. I want to do things my way. It's not that I'm selfish and I want everything done how I want it all the time. I'm just not going to give so much of myself in order to please others. No relationship is 50/50; sometimes you take more, sometimes you give more. But I've noticed that, more often than not, I'm the one giving more. So I'm starting to make some changes. And if I make mistakes, then I'm going to own up to them. God is the one who's ultimately in control, and now I'm going to make decisions based on what He tells me to do, not what other people want me to do.

Three Good Things:

• Chocolate Festival (a fundraiser for my job) this weekend.
• Hey Arnold should be here tomorrow.
  
• I met someone who's willing to do things my way.
  

Smile

I'm feeling much better now. I'm about to start taking control of my life.

Step 1: The GRE and grad school.

Step 2: Getting out of credit card debt.

Step 3: Loving myself...by myself if I have to.

Breathe - Taylor Swift

Three Good Things:

• It's snowing and it's BEAUTIFUL.
• Katie's surprise birthday party tonight.
• I just had my first smile of the morning.
  

Bad Day

Today has been rough to say the least. Time to think of the good things.

Baby Don't Cry (Keep Ya Head U...

Three Good Things:

• I woke up this morning.
• I have a reliable job that pays me enough to get the things I need.
• SS. He's awesome, and always there when I need a smile. Thank you.
  

Another sad love song...

Lately my life has been following the same quiet routine...and I think I like it this way. Loneliness suits me.

I'm happiest when I'm by myself. :)

This just in...

I know I haven't posted in what feels like decades, and I'm sorry--baby girl is busy, y'all. Here's a quick update on what' going on in la vida de Ashley:

• Marcus and I broke up; the long distance thing just wasn't working out. He and I both agreed that we didn't have time for a relationship that required so much traveling and effort, but if we're meant to be, we'll be.
• I met a new guy that I've been hanging out with. He's super sweet, but I'm not giving out too many details simply because I don't want to jinx anything. He's awesome though--and only an hour and a half away! :)
• I started my new job and it's awesome. I love the fast pace and the people I work with, and I don't feel like I'm working myself to death and not getting anything out of it anymore.
  
• I'm going to see Taylor Swift in concert at the state fair this weekend. I'm the most excited about it--and the corndogs that I'm going to eat before, during, and on the way home from the concert.
• I'm still broke.

More to come, I promise!

In My Ears: 'Dreamgirls': The Soundtrack to the Motion Picture; 'Golden', Fall Out Boy; 'Ego', Beyonce

...or should I just keep chasing pavements?

I have to ask this before my head explodes from frustration. Why is it that once you get in a relationship with someone, everyone in the free world suddenly wants to get all flirty with you? I honestly don't get it. I've been single for who knows how long, waiting for someone to pay me attention, then I get a boyfriend and BAM! Ashley's the hottest thing on the block. It just doesn't make sense, people.

But now that I've vented a bit, I'll let you know about the other events taking place in my life thus far. I'm officially leaving Victoria's Secret. I don't want to, but I've got some other opportunities that I want to take advantage of right now. Hopefully one day I can come back to the company, but for right now I think I'm doing the right thing. I'm really excited about my new job and will definitely keep you updated on how it goes once I officially get started.

On the personal side, the male species has taken a spontaneous interest in me as of late. Who knows why, really. I'm kind of into it, but mostly just confused. Am I emitting some sort of pheromones or something? Anyway, Marcus will be here the last week of this month to visit. I'm really excited to see him, but I can't lie--this long-distance thing has been really hard. Maybe it will get better after I see him again, but I'm not the type of person who can build a relationship on occasional text messages and phone calls. But I'll think about all that once he gets here; we'll talk and see if we can work things out.

Other than those things, nothing major has been happening. I go to work, hang out with friends, and play The Sims 3 WAAAYY more than I should. I can't complain about life though--things are going pretty well. If things pop off, you'll be the first to know. Later.

Oh, shit.

I'm in a pickle now. It's funny how life can get REALLY complicated all at once.

More later.

The Optimist

I feel like something amazing is about to happen. Keep your fingers crossed.

It's been a long, long time comin'...

First off, my sincerest apologies for not writing more often. I broke my New Year's resolution to write once a week and, since you're reading this, you know about my lack of willpower. :( But I plan on using the shame I'm currently feeling to get my ass in gear and write like I should. Thank you, conscience.

Anyhow, so many things have happened since I last wrote. I met my district manager, Laura, and tried to turn on the charm in hopes of getting a full-time job with the company when I graduate in May. I'm not sure how charming I actually was considering I was nervous as all get-out, but she likes the results I produce so hopefully she'll work some magic. Keep your fingers crossed.

My great-great aunt, Lois Smith, passed away a few weeks ago. I was really shocked by it; I just saw her when I went home for Christmas break and she seemed happy and fine. It's crazy how someone can be here one minute and gone the next. I wasn't able to go to the funeral because one of my professors wouldn't let me make up the classwork, but I did say a special prayer for her. I know she's much better off than we are, but it's still odd knowing she's not here anymore.

On a lighter note, I have a boyfriend! I didn't expect him to come into my life, but I'm so glad to have him. He's younger than I am, but he's awesome--so sweet and funny and just...great. I'm ridiculously happy for the first time in I can't remember how long. I hope things work out with us, but I'm trying to not get my hopes up. We'll just have to wait and see. :)

And on another boy-note, I finally let go of someone that I'd kept in my life for way too long. I told this person (a previous ex boyfriend) that I didn't see us getting back together because I couldn't recreate the feelings that I had for him the first time around. I gave him my whole heart--every single thing I had was his. When he left, he left scars that I still can't look past. I guess it's the realist in me showing--why would I give you my heart a second time when you've already broken it once? But I told him how I felt and I haven't heard from him since. I cherish the time we had together, but there was no way I could go back. I still care for him deeply though, and I hope he finds what he's looking for.

Nationals for speech is fastly approaching, and I'm more than a little nervous. I want to end my senior year with a bang, but with class and work and my sorority, my plate is a little more than full. I will miss speech more than anything once this year is over, and I feel really bad that I can't focus on it completely. But I just keep telling myself that I'm looking for a career, something that will feed me and clothe me and keep a roof over my head after college is over. I don't feel good about it, but I have to sacrifice the short-term for the long-term. It's for the best.

Anyway, now that you've been sufficiently caught up on the life of Ashley, I'll leave you to the rest of your day. I'm going to a Greek formal tonight with my boyfriend; I'll post pictures as soon as I can. Also, I'm delving into the foray of slam poetry, so I'll be posting some of my work for (constructive) criticism. Thank you for listening; I appreciate it more than you know. Talk to you soon!