Time to Try

I made the decision today that I'm going to try harder. Not at any particular thing, but in life in general. I feel like I always work hard for the things I think are important: work, school, and stuff like that. But I don't really try on the small things in life, things that I've always wanted to happen for me that just don't seem to work.

For instance, I'll decide I'm going to make my bed every morning. I'll do it for a week or two...and then nothing. Or putting on makeup. Or exercising a few times a week. Or wearing outfits that are a bit more stylish. I convince myself that things are trivial and no one really cares if I do them or not. I tell myself that no one sees my room but me, and no one really cares what I look like or wear...but I do. I care about those things, and I'm going to try to do better at them.

I can't help the way I am about some things. I put the needs of others before my own all the time, but still they think I'm condescending or mean. I speak my mind, and sometimes that can come off as harsh, but I can't really change that. Instead, I'm going to focus on the things I can change--not for anyone else, but for myself.

Three Good Things:

• Finished two great library books.
• Slowly gathering boxes for packing my things.
• Had a great weekend with my family.
  

Oh, shit.

I'm in a pickle now. It's funny how life can get REALLY complicated all at once.

More later.

Time for me to do it...

On my own. As the culmination of my college career draws nearer, I've started thinking what it means to be an "adult." I know about jobs, bills, and all of those things, but what else will adulthood have in store for me? I keep thinking about all the places and people that I'm destined to meet during this life. It seems like just yesterday that I was turning 13 during my freshman year of high school, thinking 21 was light years away.

When looking to the future I've also found myself thinking about the present, the people and things that currently exist in my life. Some of them I intend to keep with me throughout my journey, others I'm leaving behind. It's deciding what goes where that's the hardest part. I'm really starting to rethink how I make my decisions; I'm scrutinizing more closely than ever who I let in my life and my heart. Maybe that's the secret to being an adult--recognizing that it's time to leave childhood behind and take full responsibility for the life you lead.