Back Here

It's been too long, really. So many things have happened since my last post I don't know that I'll be able blog them all in one post. For now, here's the rundown:

1. Got settled into my new job (which now isn't so new since I've been here for over six months).


2. Starting to learn my way around Wisconsin (and the winter was freezing).


3. Got engaged. Yes, I'm serious. I can't wait to marry this man--he's the love of my life.

All smiles from this lady. :)

Hard Workin' Woman

Today is my last day of work at both of my jobs.

It's going by so slowly I can barely stand it!

New adventures on the way. :)

Three Good Things:

• Mini-vacay with sorors tomorrow.
• Potluck after work today.
• COOLER WEATHER!
  

"I'm wishin' on a star..."

Ah, the sweet sounds of Teena Marie. While she was crooning about the man of her dreams, I'm thinking about more tangible things...like stuff. you know, "real" stuff. Stuff I'm planning on buying once I finally start making real money.

Working two jobs and still struggling to make ends meet hasn't been fun. Not only have I been perpetually exhausted and stressed, but I also can't afford to buy and do the things I want to. This may seem superficial, but I like stuff as much as any other red-blooded American--especially shoes. So I've been working on a "wish list" of things I'd like to get once I start my new job. Wanna hear it? Here it goes!

Things

• Iphone (Already ordered and should be here in a few weeks!)
• Two HD tvs (The tv I have now is super big and old; I'd love to have a new one to replace it, plus one for my bedroom.)
• Christian Louboutin pumps (These cost around $1,500. This is definitely more of a dream than a reality, but I'm being honest here.)
• Coach bag (I saw an AMAZING one at the Coach store when I went apartment hunting a few weeks ago. It WILL be mine.)
• New clothes (What can I say? I'm a girl.)
  

Services

• DirecTV (After over a year without cable, I want every single channel imaginable.)
• Get my nails/toes done every two weeks (A salon in Madison has a manicure that is supposed to last two whole weeks. I never get to pamper myself, so I'm going to now.)
• Take a yoga/pilates class once a week (I want to be more health conscious and exercise more, and I'll actually have the time to do it.)

This may seem silly, but it's fun to talk about the things you'd do if you had the money. But before I start spending too much money on things I want, I plan on taking care of the things I need: paying down my credit card debt, getting the dental work I need, and paying off the loans I got to subsidize the move and previous dental procedures. I'm going to save more, too. I can't wait until some of these wishes actually come true!

Three Good Things:

• My birthday (and the move) is fast approaching.
• I'm slowly but surely getting things packed in my apartment.
  
• The weather is finally cooling down!
  

Love at First Sight

I've never been much of a believer in love at first sight, mostly because I look crappy most days and don't think anyone could fall in love with me sans makeup, heels, or any inkling of caring about the way I look. But I've become a victim. I fell in love the first time I saw...

...my new apartment. :) I had five apartment viewings scheduled last weekend, but only made it to three--I canceled the others because I knew the first apartment was the one I wanted! I've been approved and am just waiting for my leasing agent to fax me the lease. My mom and I worked out a few final details yesterday, so all I'm doing now is waiting. I'm really doing this. I can't believe this move is really happening.

On a completely unrelated tangent, I'm now wondering if I ever want to have children. Perhaps it's the fact that someone I know just had a horrible birthing experience or the episodes of Teen Mom I've recently become obsessed with, but I just don't know if kids are something I want in my life. I'm sure I'll change my mind once God brings me the man I'm supposed to marry, but at soon-to-be-23 I can't imagine being a mother. I mean, I can barely take care of myself. There's no WAY I'd be able to care for someone else.

Ah, the misguided ramblings of a twenty-something female. :) Later, y'all; I've got some work to do.

Three Good Things:

• We're having a mini-potluck for one of my co-workers today. FREE FOOD.
• I ordered an iPhone and it should be here in 3-4 weeks.
• I have the cutest dog in the world.
  

First impressions...

Well, the plan is underway. This weekend I'm flying to Madison to look at apartments, and I can't wait! In the process of moving, I'm also helping to find a replacement for me at my full-time job. Since I'm the first person people see when they come in, naturally I'm going to see the applicants first.

OH MY GOSH. These people are a hot mess. I try not to judge people, but first impressions are VERY important--especially when you're trying to get a job. Don't just come in to someone's business wearing whatever and ask for an application. I'm not saying you have to be in a full suit with pumps and pearls, but at least don't look sloppy.

Also, try not to reek of smoke. I understand that people smoke--it's their choice. But I don't want to have to hold my breath and febreeze the office after you leave. It just doesn't look good. We also don't want to hire someone who will be outside every hour taking a smoke break.

Finally, act like you know what you're talking about. If you say something like, "Uh, I heard that...y'all were, uh, looking for a job?" I'm going to look at you like you don't know what you're talking about BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. Be polite, smile, and act like you at least read the ad and aren't just applying for every job listed. If the ad said we were looking for a friendly, professional person, ACT THAT WAY.

Even if you're just filling out the application, that's a big part of the hiring process. Always put your best foot forward, as first impressions stick with you...and sometimes keep you from getting an interview.

Three Good Things:

• Packing is coming along a bit better.
• My friend Mario will be back in town soon.
  
• Flying to Madison this weekend! I can't wait!
  

Time to Try

I made the decision today that I'm going to try harder. Not at any particular thing, but in life in general. I feel like I always work hard for the things I think are important: work, school, and stuff like that. But I don't really try on the small things in life, things that I've always wanted to happen for me that just don't seem to work.

For instance, I'll decide I'm going to make my bed every morning. I'll do it for a week or two...and then nothing. Or putting on makeup. Or exercising a few times a week. Or wearing outfits that are a bit more stylish. I convince myself that things are trivial and no one really cares if I do them or not. I tell myself that no one sees my room but me, and no one really cares what I look like or wear...but I do. I care about those things, and I'm going to try to do better at them.

I can't help the way I am about some things. I put the needs of others before my own all the time, but still they think I'm condescending or mean. I speak my mind, and sometimes that can come off as harsh, but I can't really change that. Instead, I'm going to focus on the things I can change--not for anyone else, but for myself.

Three Good Things:

• Finished two great library books.
• Slowly gathering boxes for packing my things.
• Had a great weekend with my family.
  

Takin' Care of Business

Remember when I told you I had a billion things to do in preparation for my move to Wisconsin? Well...most of them are done. I got super productive (or super paranoid, your choice) and spent the first part of the week making plans and doing research for the relocation. I've hired movers in BG and Madison, reserved a Uhaul, and set up a weekend trip to fly up and look at apartments. Hopefully I'll find one then, and I'll be all set!

Granted there are a few loose ends left to tie up; I still don't know if I'll have to pay the $2,000 to break my lease, and I need to find a good hair salon and pet sitter in Madison. But those are things I can easily take care of when I get up there for good. I also need to get a heavy coat and some boots for the winter that will be there (from what I've heard) before I know it.

I was really scared about making this move, but now I'm not. Fear is a tool the devil uses to keep us from receiving the blessings God wants us to have. God wouldn't have given me this wonderful opportunity if He didn't intend on watching over me through the process.

I'll keep you posted as things happen, and I'll definitely let you know what happens on my apartment-hunting trip in August. I'm so excited--things are really looking up!

Three Good Things:

• I'm finally caught up on of the donor letters I've been needing to print.
  
• Leftover potstickers for lunch today.
• I've got the ENTIRE WEEKEND OFF, and I'm spending it with my favorite people--my family!
  

The Beer and Cheese State?

So it's settled...I'm moving to Wisconsin! I got the job I was praying for and I've never been happier. God came through for me in so many ways: a wonderful new job opportunity, a fantastic future salary, and a family who will support me through it all. My mom is really excited about my new job; I'm going to miss being just an hour away, but I know that this move will be the best thing for me.

But with the excitement came a lot of nervousness and worrying. It will cost about $2,000 to break my lease on my apartment. I've got to pay for all of my moving costs (but my new company will reimburse me on my first paycheck). All in all, I need about $3,500 up front to pay for the move. Luckily, I got a personal loan for that amount yesterday, so I'm breathing a bit easier about that. However, I've still got to put in notice at my jobs, pack all of my things, get a Uhaul, and find an apartment once I get to Wisconsin. A lot to do, but I'm sure everything will work out great.

My last day in Kentucky will be September 20th, right after my birthday. I'm working six days a week at my part-time to make money, and I'm writing articles to earn some extra cash too. I'll keep you all posted on my progress--I'm so excited!

Three Good Things:

• I get my personal loan on Monday or Tuesday.
• My new job has FREE health insurance, and the dental insurance is cheap, so I can finally get my dental work done!
• I don't have to be at my part-time job until 2 today, which gives me some times to finish a few chores and relax.
  

Tired of Chasing

I just got really fed up with chasing. I feel like I always go out of my way to make the people I'm interested in feel special, and I haven't gotten anything back. I want someone to chase me for once...

Three Good Things

• Made a little extra cash writing articles.
• Took a great nap today.
  
• Job interview in Wisconsin on Wednesday--wish me luck!
  

"I'll be better than I am..."

So many things have happened in the month (gosh, I feel horrible typing that) since I've last updated. I know I said I would update more frequently, I felt bad about not posting more, blah blah blah. I'm not going to say all that stuff again because you probably wouldn't believe me--heck, I wouldn't even believe me. So I'm just going to post when I remember to. I can't make myself into someone I'm not.

First, I am still happily single. I've gone on a date since Dylan and I ended things, and it was fun; it was nice to meet a guy who's on my level--job, degree, God fearing, motivated. We went to dinner and for ice cream and...he kissed me. It was really nice. :) I felt myself getting too caught up in it; I wanted us to be boyfriend/girlfriend RIGHT AWAY. But then I shook myself back and saw that I was doing the same thing I always do: trying to find satisfaction in someone else instead of being happy with myself. So things are good. We're going to see Eclipse tonight with some of his friends, and I'm not gonna get my hopes up about it. Hopefully it will just be a good time for everyone.

Second, I will be going to Wisconsin sometime soon for a final interview for a job there. I'm really excited, but nervous at the same time--Kentucky is the only place I've ever lived. My family, my friends, everything I love is here. I don't know if I could just leave it. But I also know that, if I stay, I'll be selling myself short. I gave everything over to God and told him that whatever he wanted me to do, I would do. If He wants me in Wisconsin, that's where I'll be! So I'll go to the interview and give it my best. If things go well, I could be updating from a new home in a new state!

Third, I'm finally starting to save some money. It's not much, but it's a start. I feel much better about my financial situation now, but I know I have a looooonnnng way to go to get where I want to be. I'll be out of debt in about 3 years, hopefully sooner if I get a better job that pays more. The only thing I'm really concerned about is the possibility that I'll be moving to Wisconsin; it will cost about $2,000 to break the lease on my apartment, and I do NOT have that money right now. But I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Overall, things are going much better in the money department.

That's about all I have for now. I'm feeling really good about everything that's happening; I haven't felt this peaceful in a long time. Life is good. :)

Three Good Things:

• Off tonight and tomorrow at my second job.
• Family cookout on Saturday.
• Sleeping in on Monday--Happy Fourth of July!
  

"If that's love, it comes at much too high a cost."

Well, my boyfriend and I broke up yesterday. Things have been a bit rocky for some time, and I guess it was just time for us to end things and move on. I was all for talking it out and seeing if we could make it work, but not everyone is willing to put for the effort to try and salvage something...even a relationship.

Deep down, I knew that things weren't working out--they weren't going the way I wanted them to. Too many times I got upset over the constant favors I'd be asked for, the canceled plans, the phone calls and text messages that never came. But I think that I was hoping things would change, that the bond between us would overrule all the bad things that were popping up in our relationship. But I've been with enough guys to know that they never change. I'm usually the one doing all the changing, and I'm sick of that. I'm not going to compromise who I am or what I believe in for a man anymore.

Overall I've been pretty upset about the breakup, but after a long sob-fest and a somewhat sleepless night, I actually feel a little better (thanks to some great friends, coworkers, and family). My mom is convinced that I'll meet someone else someday, someone more professional and on the same level I am, but I'm not so sure. I'm so tired of trying, of meeting someone new and starting the whole silly dating process over again. It's exhausting and usually ends up in hurt feelings. But who knows? Maybe she's right. As I've grown up I've learned that she's been right about a lot of things. :)

What is a friend, anyway?

Random topic: friendship.

I've noticed lately that most of my so-called friendships are practically non-existent until someone needs something from me. Unless he or she is asking for a ride, a place to stay, or to borrow some money, I won't hear from him or her. I've always been a giving person; I'm the one who will go out of my way to make sure the people I care about are well taken care of. Heck, I just dropped all of my plans last Saturday (my first Saturday off in a loooooong time) to take a stranded former teammate to the airport--the same former teammate that used me and lied to me a few months back. I do what I can to make people happy.

But I can't blame everything on everyone else. I've got a lot going on that makes me hard to hang out with; I work two jobs, I hang out with my boyfriend occasionally, and I'm just really tired a lot. I don't mind being by myself; sometimes I choose hanging out at home instead of going to the bar or wherever people are socializing. I know I should go out and start hanging out with people, but I'm not sure how to go about it. This is so embarrassing--I don't know how to make friends anymore. I'm not quite sure where to start.

I've been thinking about moving away, going someplace new and starting over. I can't really afford to do that right now, but if I can find a job willing to cover relocation expenses I'll take it. I've already applied for one and am looking for others. I don't really want to leave, but it might be the best thing for me right now. Who knows?

(Oh, and the website that I usually use to post songs with my blogs is shutting down. Sad day.)

Three Good Things:

• I get paid this week.
• Daria finally came in.
• It finally stopped raining.
  

Drowning

I wish someone would come and take me away from this. I just want to live outside of myself for awhile, get away from the problems that just keep creeping up on me.

I got news today that I need over $3,000 worth of dental work. I don't know what I'm going to do.

That seems to be the story of my life these days.

Three Good Things:

• I'm awake.
• I'm not in pain.
• I still have my job.
  

"Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere..."

I've spent the better part of today updating my Monster.com profile. There are going to be some personnel cuts at my job and I'm just trying to get ready.

Whew. It just seems like one thing after another these days. It kind of reminds me of a few months ago, when I would think about my credit card debt and literally feel like I was drowning in it; my head would spin, my heart would race, and I just couldn't seem to take another breath.

But everything will be okay; I know it will. Even if I do get downsized, I'll make it through just fine. I'm going to have to leave this one up to God. Sorry things have been so depressing here lately, but what can I say? I'm going through a rough time. Hopefully things will look up soon.

Brick (Album Version) - Ben Fo...

Three Good Things:

• The sun is shining after a morning of rain.
• Daria comes out in about two weeks.
• I'm still breathing.
  

"I get away only in my mind..."

I'm sitting at my desk at work, fighting back tears. I've never tried so hard to get my life together. I'm really working to make myself a better person. But it seems like every time I do something right, another piece of my life slides out of place. I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

I enrolled myself in a debt management program; I went a little crazy with a couple of credit cards and decided to get help with my debt. I've been paying on time every month since February. And still, I'm getting bills from creditors asking for late fees. One of my medical bills has gone to collection. People keep asking for money, and it's getting to the point that I don't know where it's going to come from anymore.

More and more I find myself wishing that I wasn't who I am. I want to be someone else, someone who doesn't have to struggle every single day to stay above water. I guess it's good in a way; I'm being motivated to do better with the hopes that I won't have to work so hard all the time, that I'll find one job--instead of three or four--that will pay my bills. I'm trying to channel all the negative energy into positive thoughts, but some days--like today--are so much harder than others.

Through the grace of God, I just got paid for one of my writing jobs; I got the bulk of the money yesterday, and the rest is coming today. Tomorrow I'll deposit the cash. Friday, I'll write two checks and hand the money I worked so hard for to someone else. Every night, I'll pray that someday soon I won't have to worry so much.

I Sit Away - Boyz II Men

Three Good Things:

• I woke up this morning.
• The woman at the medical office was kind to me; she let me split my balance into two payments so it would be easier to pay.
• I still have a roof over my head and food in my cabinets.
  

Sweet Escape

I have to many jobs to blog. But now it's vacation time and I'm gonna relax, damn it!

I'm leaving to judge NFA tomorrow--I'm the most excited to see everyone! I've planned two outfits for every day: dressy and casual. I also got a weave. I'm not kidding. Looking fly at this tournament is serious.

I'm going to miss my boyfriend, but I'm glad to get away for a while. I work really hard and I'm finally getting some time to enjoy myself. :)

I'll post pics and stories throughout the trip when I'm not too busy being sassy and fabulous. :)

Rude Boy - Rihanna

Three Good Things:

• Vacation TOMORROW!
• I just made the last payment on my furniture.
• Backrubs from my boyfriend.
  

I didn't get the job.

That's life, I guess. I'm sure there something even better out there for me.

Lucky Day

Happy St. Patrick's Day! I wore green accidentally today--lucky me! I would've hated to get fired for punching a co-worker who dared to pinch me.

Life is pretty good right now. Still haven't gotten word about the job, but I'm not giving up hope. Just in case it doesn't work out, I've got an interview for a part-time job at the mall to help supplement my income a bit (I'm tired of cleaning up after people, so I've decided to stop working at the arena). Keep your fingers crossed for me though.

My boyfriend is lovely. He's the best part of my life right now and I'm so blessed to have him. We've had a few rough patches, but things are working out well so far. Who knows where this will lead? All I know is I'm enjoying the journey right now. :)

I just wanted to give you a quick update--I promise I'll write more when I've got more to write about. :) Enjoy your St. Paddy's Day and watch out for leprechauns!

Three Good Things:

• Delicious red grapes for breakfast.
  
• Yummy chicken salad sandwich for lunch.
• Peanut butter cookie (bought for me by my oh-so-sweet boyfriend) for dessert. He's the best!
  

Barely Breathing

I'm feeling a bit discouraged today. I ended up owing $300 to the government for taxes, so my paycheck is gone already. It just seems like, no matter how hard I work, I just can't keep my head above water. I'm trying really hard to stay positive though. I want to save some money and go on a vacation somewhere, but that doesn't seem likely if I keep having to hand over all my money to someone else. I know God has a plan for me though.

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's might hand, that He may lift you up in due time."
1 Peter 5:6

Three Good Things:

• The weather is lovely.
• I'm taking the night off from my part-time job tonight--I just need a break.
• I should have a pretty nice check from working every night last week.
  

Another day...

It's Monday, peeps. Day 1 of another six-day-straight work week. You probably won't be hearing from me for a while. :)

Here It Goes Again (UK Surf) -...

Three Good Things:

• The weather is absolutely PERFECT.
• I'm making extra $$ for being team leader at my job tonight.
• I saw Alice in Wonderland yesterday with Mario and Des.