I'm currently at a forensics tournament at Bowling Green State University in Bowling Green, Ohio. For those of you who don't know, forensics is a fancy name for speech and debate, a.k.a. the art of competitive public speaking. I've been doing this since seventh grade (except for last spring when I took a semester off).
Now, I love to talk. I have since my very first word which, by the way, was applesauce. So why would I pass up the chance to get to talk and earn trophies for doing it? But no, that's not the real reason why I get up early and stay up late to do this little-known activity.
I've always wanted to be an actress, and this is a way to exercise my acting chops without running all over the country spending tons of money on head shots and gas to get to auditions and all that. (I would like to do that one day, but right now my funds are extremely limited.) Not only that, but I feel like I'm spreading my message throughout the world. In speech, you choose what you want to talk about--the message you spread is yours completely.
I'll miss this activity dearly when I graduate. I know most of my happiest memories from the past ten years of my life have had something to do with forensics. But until my speech career is over, I'll just have to keep making new memories and loving every moment.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
It's been a long, long time comin'...
First off, my sincerest apologies for not writing more often. I broke my New Year's resolution to write once a week and, since you're reading this, you know about my lack of willpower. :( But I plan on using the shame I'm currently feeling to get my ass in gear and write like I should. Thank you, conscience.
Anyhow, so many things have happened since I last wrote. I met my district manager, Laura, and tried to turn on the charm in hopes of getting a full-time job with the company when I graduate in May. I'm not sure how charming I actually was considering I was nervous as all get-out, but she likes the results I produce so hopefully she'll work some magic. Keep your fingers crossed.
My great-great aunt, Lois Smith, passed away a few weeks ago. I was really shocked by it; I just saw her when I went home for Christmas break and she seemed happy and fine. It's crazy how someone can be here one minute and gone the next. I wasn't able to go to the funeral because one of my professors wouldn't let me make up the classwork, but I did say a special prayer for her. I know she's much better off than we are, but it's still odd knowing she's not here anymore.
On a lighter note, I have a boyfriend! I didn't expect him to come into my life, but I'm so glad to have him. He's younger than I am, but he's awesome--so sweet and funny and just...great. I'm ridiculously happy for the first time in I can't remember how long. I hope things work out with us, but I'm trying to not get my hopes up. We'll just have to wait and see. :)
And on another boy-note, I finally let go of someone that I'd kept in my life for way too long. I told this person (a previous ex boyfriend) that I didn't see us getting back together because I couldn't recreate the feelings that I had for him the first time around. I gave him my whole heart--every single thing I had was his. When he left, he left scars that I still can't look past. I guess it's the realist in me showing--why would I give you my heart a second time when you've already broken it once? But I told him how I felt and I haven't heard from him since. I cherish the time we had together, but there was no way I could go back. I still care for him deeply though, and I hope he finds what he's looking for.
Nationals for speech is fastly approaching, and I'm more than a little nervous. I want to end my senior year with a bang, but with class and work and my sorority, my plate is a little more than full. I will miss speech more than anything once this year is over, and I feel really bad that I can't focus on it completely. But I just keep telling myself that I'm looking for a career, something that will feed me and clothe me and keep a roof over my head after college is over. I don't feel good about it, but I have to sacrifice the short-term for the long-term. It's for the best.
Anyway, now that you've been sufficiently caught up on the life of Ashley, I'll leave you to the rest of your day. I'm going to a Greek formal tonight with my boyfriend; I'll post pictures as soon as I can. Also, I'm delving into the foray of slam poetry, so I'll be posting some of my work for (constructive) criticism. Thank you for listening; I appreciate it more than you know. Talk to you soon!
Anyhow, so many things have happened since I last wrote. I met my district manager, Laura, and tried to turn on the charm in hopes of getting a full-time job with the company when I graduate in May. I'm not sure how charming I actually was considering I was nervous as all get-out, but she likes the results I produce so hopefully she'll work some magic. Keep your fingers crossed.
My great-great aunt, Lois Smith, passed away a few weeks ago. I was really shocked by it; I just saw her when I went home for Christmas break and she seemed happy and fine. It's crazy how someone can be here one minute and gone the next. I wasn't able to go to the funeral because one of my professors wouldn't let me make up the classwork, but I did say a special prayer for her. I know she's much better off than we are, but it's still odd knowing she's not here anymore.
On a lighter note, I have a boyfriend! I didn't expect him to come into my life, but I'm so glad to have him. He's younger than I am, but he's awesome--so sweet and funny and just...great. I'm ridiculously happy for the first time in I can't remember how long. I hope things work out with us, but I'm trying to not get my hopes up. We'll just have to wait and see. :)
And on another boy-note, I finally let go of someone that I'd kept in my life for way too long. I told this person (a previous ex boyfriend) that I didn't see us getting back together because I couldn't recreate the feelings that I had for him the first time around. I gave him my whole heart--every single thing I had was his. When he left, he left scars that I still can't look past. I guess it's the realist in me showing--why would I give you my heart a second time when you've already broken it once? But I told him how I felt and I haven't heard from him since. I cherish the time we had together, but there was no way I could go back. I still care for him deeply though, and I hope he finds what he's looking for.
Nationals for speech is fastly approaching, and I'm more than a little nervous. I want to end my senior year with a bang, but with class and work and my sorority, my plate is a little more than full. I will miss speech more than anything once this year is over, and I feel really bad that I can't focus on it completely. But I just keep telling myself that I'm looking for a career, something that will feed me and clothe me and keep a roof over my head after college is over. I don't feel good about it, but I have to sacrifice the short-term for the long-term. It's for the best.
Anyway, now that you've been sufficiently caught up on the life of Ashley, I'll leave you to the rest of your day. I'm going to a Greek formal tonight with my boyfriend; I'll post pictures as soon as I can. Also, I'm delving into the foray of slam poetry, so I'll be posting some of my work for (constructive) criticism. Thank you for listening; I appreciate it more than you know. Talk to you soon!
Sunday, February 1, 2009
25 Random Things...
1. I always say that I want to weigh 118 lbs. again (how much I weighed in high school), but I don't. Having boobs and backside makes me feel like a WOMAN.
2. My dream career would be one in which I make tons of money, boss people around, and wear cute suits and heels everyday. I'm thinking corporate America.
3. I often marvel at my ipod. That thing is magical indeed.
4. I've always wanted to be a professional ballet dancer, a film/Broadway actress, or a recording artist. Unfortunately, I'm not talented enough to do any of those things.
5. I wish I didn't believe in Prince Charming, because I'm afraid I'm not going to find him.
6. Taking a long walk on a beautiful day makes me very happy.
7. My mom means everything to me. I'd be completely lost without her.
8. I pretend like I'm in a music video whenever I listen to my favorite songs.
9. I think my purpose in life is to persuade people.
10. I'm so glad I was born a Black woman. Being a double minority makes all the successes I've had that much sweeter.
11. I'm double-jointed in one of my toes.
12. Living in the South is the closest to heaven I've ever been.
13. Shopping makes me happy. Shopping for other people makes me even happier.
14. I'm terrified about graduating from college. I'm scared I won't be able to make it on my own.
15. 'Sunny Came Home' by Shawn Colvin makes an appearance on the soundtrack of my life.
16. I plan on getting a pet turtle named Phillip in the immediate future.
17. I sometimes wonder if my thoughts are written in a thought bubble over my head and that everyone know exactly what's on my mind.
18. I try to make my bed every day. More often than not, it doesn't happen.
19. I get buyer's remorse all the time.
20. I try really hard to be nice, but people still see me as mean sometimes. I think it's because I'm so scared of getting taken advantage of that I subconsciously work hard to seem tough.
21. I cry every single time I watch one of those wedding or baby shows on TLC. I just get so happy for people.
22. Performing in front of people I know makes me really nervous. I feel like they're judging me.
23. I really admire people (Austin Ashford, Steph Patt, Bonny, etc.) who can write amazing poetry. I wish I could do it too.
24. At 21 years old, I still have no idea how to behave in the presence of men. They make me really flustered.
25. I remember awesome shows from my childhood and wish I could watch them now. Some of my favorites include 'The Torklesons', 'My Brother and Me', 'Hey Arnold!', 'Daria', 'The Lyricist Lounge Show', and 'Great Pretenders'.
2. My dream career would be one in which I make tons of money, boss people around, and wear cute suits and heels everyday. I'm thinking corporate America.
3. I often marvel at my ipod. That thing is magical indeed.
4. I've always wanted to be a professional ballet dancer, a film/Broadway actress, or a recording artist. Unfortunately, I'm not talented enough to do any of those things.
5. I wish I didn't believe in Prince Charming, because I'm afraid I'm not going to find him.
6. Taking a long walk on a beautiful day makes me very happy.
7. My mom means everything to me. I'd be completely lost without her.
8. I pretend like I'm in a music video whenever I listen to my favorite songs.
9. I think my purpose in life is to persuade people.
10. I'm so glad I was born a Black woman. Being a double minority makes all the successes I've had that much sweeter.
11. I'm double-jointed in one of my toes.
12. Living in the South is the closest to heaven I've ever been.
13. Shopping makes me happy. Shopping for other people makes me even happier.
14. I'm terrified about graduating from college. I'm scared I won't be able to make it on my own.
15. 'Sunny Came Home' by Shawn Colvin makes an appearance on the soundtrack of my life.
16. I plan on getting a pet turtle named Phillip in the immediate future.
17. I sometimes wonder if my thoughts are written in a thought bubble over my head and that everyone know exactly what's on my mind.
18. I try to make my bed every day. More often than not, it doesn't happen.
19. I get buyer's remorse all the time.
20. I try really hard to be nice, but people still see me as mean sometimes. I think it's because I'm so scared of getting taken advantage of that I subconsciously work hard to seem tough.
21. I cry every single time I watch one of those wedding or baby shows on TLC. I just get so happy for people.
22. Performing in front of people I know makes me really nervous. I feel like they're judging me.
23. I really admire people (Austin Ashford, Steph Patt, Bonny, etc.) who can write amazing poetry. I wish I could do it too.
24. At 21 years old, I still have no idea how to behave in the presence of men. They make me really flustered.
25. I remember awesome shows from my childhood and wish I could watch them now. Some of my favorites include 'The Torklesons', 'My Brother and Me', 'Hey Arnold!', 'Daria', 'The Lyricist Lounge Show', and 'Great Pretenders'.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Him
If you don't dream, you're never disappointed when those dreams don't come true.
I should know this by now.
I took a chance--I won't anymore.
I should know this by now.
I took a chance--I won't anymore.
Monday, January 19, 2009
"I want to bring out the best in you..."
I recently had a conversation with someone that I care for about the possibility of starting a serious relationship. This is a man that I've had feelings for for a long time, and I'm glad that we finally got everything out in the open about becoming more than just friends. While the conversation didn't go exactly how I wanted it to, I do have some new insights about what I want out of my romantic relationships.
I want a man who will let me bring out the best in him, and who will do the same for me. I don't believe in someone being my "other half;" that implies that I was incomplete without him. I believe that when you find the person you're truly meant to be with, he or she will inspire you to become the best person you possibly can be. Relationships to me are more about complimenting a person than completing them.
The person that I'm speaking of is...amazing. I mean, head-over-heels-marriage-and-kids-already-tried-out-his-last-name-with-my-first-name-to-see-how-it-sounds amazing. I'm hoping that he will let me into his heart and show him that being alone isn't the same as being strong. The strongest people are the ones that learn to love despite the pain it can bring.
If there is one thing I compliment myself on, it is the fact that no matter how many times I've been hurt, I'm still willing to open my heart and search for the man I am destined to be with. No one but God knows where he is or when we'll find each other, but I think that I've already found him. And if that's the case, I'm willing to take things as slowly as necessary--opportunities like this don't happen every day.
I want a man who will let me bring out the best in him, and who will do the same for me. I don't believe in someone being my "other half;" that implies that I was incomplete without him. I believe that when you find the person you're truly meant to be with, he or she will inspire you to become the best person you possibly can be. Relationships to me are more about complimenting a person than completing them.
The person that I'm speaking of is...amazing. I mean, head-over-heels-marriage-and-kids-already-tried-out-his-last-name-with-my-first-name-to-see-how-it-sounds amazing. I'm hoping that he will let me into his heart and show him that being alone isn't the same as being strong. The strongest people are the ones that learn to love despite the pain it can bring.
If there is one thing I compliment myself on, it is the fact that no matter how many times I've been hurt, I'm still willing to open my heart and search for the man I am destined to be with. No one but God knows where he is or when we'll find each other, but I think that I've already found him. And if that's the case, I'm willing to take things as slowly as necessary--opportunities like this don't happen every day.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
The search is on...
Recently I've started looking at apartments for my post-graduation move. Now you may be thinking, "It's only January--why are you looking so early?" Trust me, I asked myself the same question. But I'm starting now because I want to be very particular about the place I will be calling "home" for the next year (or more) of my life.
I want to make sure that I find a place where I can relax after working hard all day. I've been looking forward to this moment; I'm ridiculously excited about it. This is the sign that I'm growing up, and I'm ready for it. Also, I love the idea of being able to decorate my own house! I guess that's just the girly-girl coming out in me.
Wow. I never though time would go by so quickly. I'll be taking care of myself from now on...and I can't wait.
I want to make sure that I find a place where I can relax after working hard all day. I've been looking forward to this moment; I'm ridiculously excited about it. This is the sign that I'm growing up, and I'm ready for it. Also, I love the idea of being able to decorate my own house! I guess that's just the girly-girl coming out in me.
Wow. I never though time would go by so quickly. I'll be taking care of myself from now on...and I can't wait.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Amen...
After weeks of not hearing my cell phone alarm clock, I finally woke up in time for that Southern Sunday ritual--church. I'm not an overly religious person by any means, but I do believe that someone has a plan for all of us and that by showing compassion and love for one another, we can go to a place of eternal peace. And that, it seems, is where I struggle.
I love the Lord, but to love fellow human beings in the way that God loves me is hard sometimes. I tend to hold grudges, and learning to let go and let God is one of the lessons I struggle with daily. But how can you not hold people to the same standards that you hold yourself? I try to be as considerate to others as possible, and it bothers me (sometimes for weeks for months afterward) when others don't do the same. But I'm learning that God has a plan for everyone, that the only true judgment comes from Him, and that I have to focus on making myself the best person I can be before I can cast my eyes upon anyone else.
With that said, I'm going to finish my cereal and head to church. Hopefully today's sermon will speak to me and help me become the person I know I can be. Be blessed.
I love the Lord, but to love fellow human beings in the way that God loves me is hard sometimes. I tend to hold grudges, and learning to let go and let God is one of the lessons I struggle with daily. But how can you not hold people to the same standards that you hold yourself? I try to be as considerate to others as possible, and it bothers me (sometimes for weeks for months afterward) when others don't do the same. But I'm learning that God has a plan for everyone, that the only true judgment comes from Him, and that I have to focus on making myself the best person I can be before I can cast my eyes upon anyone else.
With that said, I'm going to finish my cereal and head to church. Hopefully today's sermon will speak to me and help me become the person I know I can be. Be blessed.
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