Clean Up Woman

I'm starting to think that me updating this blog so often is a curse as well as a blessing. Granted, I'm keeping up you up to date with all the things that are going on in my life, but I'm starting to run out of things to write about. I don't want to bore you to death with all the droll details of my ordinary life, so please let me know if things start getting trite and I'll try to spice things up a bit. How, I'm not sure yet, but I promise you I'll try.

Today I started keeping a food journal of all the things I eat. It's really beneficial to see all the calories you take in written down on paper--you can't deny them when they're in black and white. My problem is that I forget to write stuff down. Hopefully I won't have this issue forever (it's only my first day writing in the damn thing) and keeping this food diary will help me lose the few extra pounds I've been complaining about.

One of my main reasons for wanting to lose a few is because of the traveling I hope to do in the next few months. Speech nationals are in April, and I have to look my best if my former DOF (Director of Forensics) asks me to come and judge for them. I REFUSE to have my former competitors look and me and whisper amongst themselves about how fat I've gotten. (Not that I think I'm fat, but five pounds always looks like 10 to the people who haven't seen you in a while.) I really hope I get to go to nationals with the team; I miss speech more than I can say. I also need to see the people that I love from the circuit--I miss my speech boos!

Speaking of boos...well, sort-of boos (maybe), I was invited by SS* yesterday to fly out for his college graduation in May. Needless to say I'm ridiculously excited about this, and even looked up a few flights today while I was at work. I'm hesitant to book one, though, at least until I get confirmation details from him. I also need to save up some money to pay for it. Do you know how much flights cost these days??? Too damn much! I do hope things work out though; I'm really looking forward to sharing a really important moment with someone I really care for. Plus, the town he lives in has an Ihop, where I'll probably put back on all the weight I plan to lose. Strawberry banana pancakes are my weakness, y'all.

But hopefully I'll have some extra cash pretty soon; I got a part-time job today. I haven't actually been hired yet (I have to take a drug test tomorrow and wait for those results to come back) but I'm extremely confident I'll get the job. The position would be cleaning up the basketball arena on campus after games and concerts; I know how to use a mop and broom--plus I have a bachelors' degree--so I definitely feel qualified for the job. The downside? Cleaning from 9 p.m. to midnight--or later. But the lack of sleep will be more than worth the extra cash. And it's not like I haven't lived off 4 hours of sleep before. Remember senior year of college, when I had a full-time management job, was both a speech team member AND a prophyte in my sorority? Yeah. I do too. I didn't go to college so I could clean up after people, but I'm humble--there are plenty of people who would love to have this job or ANY job.

So that's what's been happening in my life thus far. I'm about to do a workout video in my living room (don't laugh) and then just relax at home for the rest of the night. If anything pops off, you'll be the first to know. Oh, and I'm also posting a fun song for you--I heard it on AOL Radio earlier and it's been stuck in my head all day!

Three Good Things:

• I'm actually looking forward to working out right now.
• A lady at work complimented my nail polish today (I told SS that pink was a good color!)
• If the weather is too bad tomorrow, the office will be closed a.k.a. I won't have to go to work!

Let's Hear It For The Boy (Alb...

*Since I always refer to this gentleman as "someone special," I'm going to make his formal name Someone Special (or SS) for the purposes of this blog. I would just say his name, but I don't want all my bidness out in the streets. Plus, he knows who he is. ;)

Cutting Back

It's official: I'm starting a diet tomorrow. What brought on this sudden decision, you ask? Long story short--I went to the doctor this afternoon. They made me get on a scale. The number on that scale was larger than I wanted it to be. So I'm going to start dieting. I'm actually kind of looking forward to seeing the new, smaller me. :)

Three Good Things:

• I made some delicious jambalaya for dinner.
• I worked out to an exercise video in my living room.
• I'm talking to someone special on the phone RIGHT NOW. :)
  

A Great Feeling

Psalm 3:

"O Lord, how many are my foes!
How many rise up against me!
Many are saying of me,
'God will not deliver him.'

But you are a shield around me, O Lord;
you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.
To the Lord I cry aloud,
and he answers me from his holy hill.

I lie down and sleep;
I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.
I will not fear the tens of thousands
drawn up against me on every side.

Arise, O Lord!
Deliver me, O my God!
Strike all my enemies on the jaw;
break the teeth of the wicked.

From the Lord comes deliverance.
May your blessing be on your people."

When I first read this passage, I felt something within me respond. Though I don't have an angry mob of people surrounding me, sometimes negative feelings and general worries do try to bring me down. I finally realize that everything I worry about and stress over is nothing to God; all of the problems that are too large for me are an easy fix for Him. I'm the type of person who worries over EVERYTHING--I'm a Virgo; that's just what we do. But now I'm trying to teach myself that anything I can't solve, God can. And that's a great feeling. :)

This doesn't mean that I'm going to spend excessively, neglect my work obligations, and just wild out in general. I'm just going to do my best to behave responsibly, and know that God will take care of the rest for me. I hope y'all have a wonderful day!

Three Good Things:

• I only have half a day at the office today (I've got a doctor's appointment this afternoon).
• I drank some delicious hot chocolate this morning.
• I got caught up on my sleep last night.
  

"Take a deep breath, girl."

Whew! Hectic is a VAST understatement for what's been going on at work today. The phone's been ringing off the hook, my desk is completely covered in paperwork--typical Monday-after-a-holiday hysteria. Things have finally started to slow down (knock on wood), so I thought I'd take a few minutes to let you know what's been going on.

After last night's meltdown and a few encouraging words from someone special, I'm feeling much better. In keeping with the advice of an extremely wise and amazingly gorgeous man, I will now list three good things about my life/day at the end of every post. This is a great way to count my blessings and give myself an instant mood lift. So, here goes!

Three Good Things:

• I got free pizza for lunch today at work.
• It's supposed to snow this weekend.
• I have been craving pickles for the past two days, so I'm going to buy myself a jar after work today.
  

I'm planning on just staying in tonight; I'll probably watch a movie, wash my hair, read more of my GRE prep book, and clean up my apartment a bit. Hopefully I'll get to bed a bit earlier to catch up on the sleep I missed last night. Speaking of missing sleep, the fact that I couldn't fall asleep last night seems like a bad thing, right? But I used the time that I was awake to read my bible, and I found a verse that really spoke to me:

"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.' The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will also show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men." Lamentations 3: 19-27, 31-33

See? I'm getting better at looking on the bright side already. :)

Tied Together With a Smile

I may or may not have made a big mistake. Writing here has been really cathartic for me; it's nice to be able to vent without having anyone judge or criticize. I guess I was hiding behind the fact that I thought no one would actually pay attention to anything I say here.

But now people--actually one person--knows about and has read the things I've written here. It's exhilarating and embarrassing all at once; I'm torn between the desire to finally share what I really think with someone and the fear that he'll run screaming once he sees what goes on inside my head. I've had way more lows than highs and I don't want him seeing how...damaged I am (or at least how damaged I feel at times). But I guess that's the risk you take when you expose your inner thoughts to the world.

He challenged me to only write about the good things in my blog for the rest of this new year, and I feel bad that I'm already falling short. I don't know...I'm just very mixed up I guess. I feel awful knowing that he might read this and feel bad--if you are reading this, please don't change anything that you do. You still may or may not be the most awesome individual I've ever met. :) Tomorrow, I'm going to give this whole "write only the good" thing a try and see what happens. Maybe I just needed a push from someone else to finally start recognizing the blessings in my own life.

But until tomorrow, I'll be sleepless, wondering if I've done or said too much. I'll pray for guidance and peace through silent tears. I'll re-read and re-live every single word I've written here, and hope against hope that I haven't screwed up too badly this time.

Tied Together with a Smile - T...

"I can't do this without you."

Last night I was talking to a friend on the phone and he said something that I've been waiting to hear my whole life. This particular gentleman, who I competed with on the speech and debate circuit, told me that he's too old to play games; at this point in his life, he's searching for his future wife.

I was literally shocked to tears. I've never heard a man say that he's looking for someone to spend the rest of his life with. Especially someone like this guy: 23-years-old, college educated, no children, and as handsome as they come. I told him that I was going to get up and go to church just to thank God for what he'd said...and I did.

This morning, for the first time in a long time, I went to church. I sat in the front and listened to a service that felt like it was written just for me. Tears rolled down my face when my pastor asked everyone who'd ever felt unloved to raise their hands, then told us that Jesus loved us so much that he died to save us from ourselves.

During the alter call I just kept praying to God, "I can't do this without you." I can't get through a single day without His grace. The only way I could ever even come close to repaying Jesus for his sacrifice is to life my life in His image, and tell people about His love.

God really works in mysterious ways. I'm trying very hard not to get ahead of myself with this man, but he's been wonderful so far and I can't wait to get to know him better. You know how sometimes you just know that you're in the right place at the right time? That's how I feel about my life right now. I'm just taking things day by day from now on, waiting to see what God has in store for me.

New

Happy 2010 everyone! I can't believe a whole decade has passed already--where has the time gone? It seems like yesterday I was checking out Baby-Sitters Club books from the library, anxiously anticipating going to high school. Life is flying by so fast.

Yesterday I started off the new year in a huge way...I got my first tattoo. I immediately fell in love with it; it's perfect! People told me that tattoos were addictive, and now I actually believe them (I'm already planning my next one). 2010 has been amazing (so far) and I can't wait to see what else is in store for me. Have a good day!